The fat lady is warming up.... 2

[alamogirl]

Hey OldFool,

I think I'll hang around a bit. Maybe, I can do some good for someone else.

Well, I got my total bill. I paid $2K down, and I acquired $900.00 worth of more debt. I should have negotiated sooner .

It's such a relief to know that it's over. The anxiety of waiting was eating me up. There are other things that the ex and I still have to work out, like picking up possessions he left behind. He actually let my brother/wife use two dressers when they first moved in. The ex and I both thought they were going to stay with me a few months, but it's going on a year in Sep and still they haven't found a house.

I still love my ex but I'm sure in time, it will fade. Anyhoo, I'll pop in to check up on ya.

All my best,
alamogirl

[big_tuna]

alamogirl- Old fool has lots of wisdom doesnt he....i still go read his replies to my posts from a while back as im 95 days post D today (who's counting!..lol)...you sound great and i think you will do great with the attitude you have...ive too stuck around here even after the D because id like to help others and i still enjoy hearing from others here...my XW has NOT found the grass to be greener by all accounts and still hugs and kisses me every time we see each other with an occassional ILY thrown in for good measure....i actually feel sorry for her as she has lost so much beside body weight(she's now a size 0)..she has lost her relationship with our s16..many mutual friends....and a think to a large degree her self-respect....a wise man once said...you choose things you lose things...she did....i, like you will go on because we have to..we didnt choose this but i can look myself, my kids,our friends and family straight in the eye knowing i fought tooth and nail to save my marraige...and even though i guess i failed in that regard i would do it over again the exact same way by taking the high road...alamogirl i wish you the best this life has to offer in your future...god bless you....BIG TUNA

[alamogirl]

Hi Big Tuna,

It's so nice to meet you. I agree with you about Old Fool. He has been a huge support system to me and to others. I'm not sure if he realizes it.

My ex also hasn't found the grass to be greener on the other side. He finally had to relent and move in with his parents. His lease expired, and he found himself homeless and penniless. Do you know that I actually felt sorry for him? Thank goodness my brother/wife are staying with me cuz I might have invited him to stay with me.

My very best to you, and I hope we get to "talk" again.

alamogirl

[OldFool]

big_tuna: Glad to see you around. Hope you're doin' OK (sounds like you are).

big_tuna & alamogirl: Stop...I'm blushing . Seriously, I'm glad I could be of help. It makes me feel that going through the crap wasn't an entire waste. However, I can't take much credit. I don't really know much more than either of you...it's just that because my nature is to be methodical, logical, and contemplative, it makes it seem like I know more than I do. Not a bad parlor trick, eh?

alamogirl: I look forward to seeing you around (so to speak).

As for my sitch, it looks like it's going to get ugly. I had desperately hoped we could avoid going to court over the settlement, but my STBXW has decided she is entitled to half of everything. She brought nothing to the marriage and only a third of the income during it. She had her own career, accounts, etc. I offered her a 60/40 split which I felt was quite fair (especially considering she cheated on me and left), but apparently that is not sufficient to satiate her greed. So, I've retained a new attorney with a background in litigation and I'm steeling for a fight. I now just want it to be over and to have her out of my life forever and for good. It has been a very sad couple of days...but at least from this point forward, her departure will represent relief...not pain.

[BethM]

Old Fool,

Curiosity brought me over to read your thread. Not really sure why.

There is nothing about divorce that is fair but it does bring closure. Believe me after we have traveled this road for any length of time closure is a breath of fresh air. For me the unknown was worse. Now I was able to get my act together and plan my path.

My new found happiness didn't come without a price, but I feel as if I am a much better person (more compassionate & appreciative) for having gone through what I have!

Lots of luck..........

Bethie

[OldFool]

Thanks for the kind words.

...after we have traveled this road for any length of time closure is a breath of fresh air.

Amen.

[big_tuna]

god bless you old fool.....you are the man.....alamogirl hope all is well w/ you too....i had a little meltdown with XW on the phone a little while ago as she failed to call S8 at all today(never done that before)...he called her seven times before finally going to bed @1015 without a return call...when she finally called back around 11 i read her the riot act(very unlike me) ...told her no matter what she was doing (and i didnt care what) she could take out 2 or 3 min to find out how her sons day was...i characterized her actions as pathetic and she hung up on me twice...i have basically taken the high road thoughout this nightmare but found it somewhat liberating to give her a piece of my mind....im sure she doesnt care but i felt compelled to tell her anyway....i have to remind myself i can only contnrol my actions and i will have a blast this weekend going to cooperstown ny (cal ripken induction) with my wonderful boys (S16/S8)..i pity her and find it sad shes made these horrendous decisions but no realize its well beyond my control or comprehension.....thanks for listening guys and as usual any input/comments welcome...BIG TUNA

[alamogirl]

Hey OldFool,

I'm sorry that your sitch is getting worse. I hope that you will find success with your new lawyer. For a while, I thought my ex was going to go for half of everything I own. That would have sucked! My lawyer was a pirana and was prepared to fight. Thank goodness the ex settled for what he did. I know I came out ahead. I will pray that everything will work out in your behalf.

Hey big tuna,

When I hear of situations such as yours, I realize I didn't have it that bad. I don't have children, so I will never have to go through what you just went through with your ex. I can't imagine how hard it is to try to heal from the trauma of divorce when your children are also affected and hurt. My heart goes out to you. I hope you had a fabulous time with your sons this weekend, BTW. Do your sons live with you?

My best to the both of you.

alamogirl

[alamogirl]

Hey BethM,

Amen sister! I agree with everything you wrote.

I just got my divorce, and I didn't realize the heavy load I was carrying until now. I always felt fine, and for the most part, I was in good spirits, but now, I don't have that knot in my stomach, and it feels great!

When did you get divorced?

All my best,
alamogirl

[big_tuna]

alamogirl: it is exceedingly more difficult when you feel the pain that your children are suffering..mine are doing quite well all things considered...my s16 lives with me full time(his choice) and my s8 is 50/50 with her....she is in la-la land regarding the impact on the kids but i have been a rock in support of them and they will always be my main focus...ironically thats one of the reasons she cited for our drifting apart.....problem is she told me all the time how happy she was...until she dropped the bomb that is.....im doing better all the time and me and my boys had a fantastic time in cooperstown this weekend ...it was unforgettable for all of us...she called many times over the weekend and sounded a little jealous of our great fun...the fun we all used to have together...oh well.....you choose things ...you lose things.....maybe she will see that someday....god bless you...you sound great.....BT