She will be mandated by the courts to attend co-parenting sessions. Hopefully that will do something.
You know when she started to really run with this emotional abuse thing I researched the heck out of it. I had a connection so I was able to talk to a woman that runs a shelter here. I talked to her, a lot, hours upon hours. Read materials she would get for me, actually talked to some victims of mental/emotional abuse, it's heart rending. The things these men did to keep these women afraid, threatening their children, pets, family and friends. Calling the vile names, screaming at them, getting them drunk out of their mind and then letting their friends have sex with them while they were passed out..., then holding this against them telling the woman that she is a slut just like they said she was since she screwed his buddy, unbelievable stuff. I did so much research. I really wanted to know what I did, and why so I could fix it and never do it again. Whether I was with her or someone else, I didn't want to keep being an abuser. Finally after a few months of this, this manager of the shelter took me aside and said, "listen, you are not an abuser. You might have crossed a line into abusive for a time, I can't make that call, but I do know I have never seen anyone work at this as hard as you have. If you were a female you could work here as a facilitator with the knowledge you have gained. It doesn't add up to the behavior of an abuser. You have to forgive yourself, and refuse to accept the label she is trying to put on you."
She said abuse is sometimes only in the eye of the victim, abuse to one isn't even close to another. Okay, what's that mean for me. She said it had a lot more to do with my W's childhood than anything.
Not letting myself off the hook either. Just after watching the videos of interviews with victims of emotional abuse taken at the shelter, (used with their permission as part of educating abusers), I really think I was at the far end of it, and would agree in the assessment of being closer to not true abuse.
Jealous, smothering, suspicious and the behavior that tends to generate?
Unfortunately, yes.
Crossing over into abuse?
Unfortunately for me, only the victim can determine this. In my case, the victim is locked in to this and won't let it go no matter who tries to point out to her that she might be a little off on this one. It's her reason to get out and nothing is going to change her mind.
