still going

[NikB]

Tyler - wow, what a messed up response from your W. She's putting them in such a bad spot because being kids, all they want is mommy and daddy together. And if they think all it takes is you not "being mean" to her, of course they're going to keep begging for that. And at 6 being mean probably means, I dunno, calling names or stealing the other kid's stickers or something. She's not teaching them to stand up for themselves, she's just confusing the heck out of them.

I realize you know all this, just throwing it out there as it was the first thing that came to mind.

I think it's good to tell them you're sorry they are going through this, but I wonder if there's another way to phrase it besides being sorry that you hurt their mom. At that age, it might sound like you really were just "being mean" and that it should be easy enough to stop and things would all be fixed. So the kids see you as nice and polite as can be and things STILL aren't fixed? As your D6 I'd be thinking "Hmm what else can I try or make mommy/daddy try?"

Maybe it would be better to just say that you both need some time away from each other right now?? Sometimes grownups need time apart to figure out what they need to do? I'm just thinking that way at least the message coming from you is that "it takes two" - rather than hearing from both parents that it's all your fault.

I know it won't take away their pain (boy do I wish I had the magic answer for that!). But at least maybe it will give a little more realistic view of what's happening. That it's not all one person's fault, and it's also not as simple as "being mean."

Apologies if you've already been over this, but would your W be willing to go to counseling (either with you or separately to the same counselor) to learn how to help co-parent, or how to best help your kids through this?? Nothing remotely about the R/M, just solely focused on the kids?