The Plank is out of my eyes, but too late for WAW?

[Heimlich]

Overanalyzing a bit. Anyone have any thoughts as to whether these are possible changes in my W's thinking?

Going round and round in my head about the very few things my W said/did last week that I took as positive:
Tuesday -- during mediation/D talk, said that she would make the apt but that we could cancel it (first time ANY hint that there was a possibility of anything other than D
Wed -- Full hug/kiss on the lips
Thursday -- Got an ILY
Over the weekend, looked in her jewelry box and noticed that her ring wasn't there (she's always kept it there, unless she's hocked it, I'm assuming she took it to Louisiana)

My paranoia is this. I got this email from her last Monday (before these things all happened) (those of you who are bored/sleepy can read my reply below):

No, I'm not interested. There is nothing you can say that will change
>my mind. I have thought about this thoroughly and completely for
>awhile now. I have nothing left in me to re-ignite. I want to be
>your friend--nothing more. I want you to let me go. You can't force
>or push me to love you, which is what I am feeling from you. Try, try,
>try=push, push, push. You know me, if I want to do something, I will
>do it and nothing will keep me from doing it. I don't need to be told
>or convinced by anyone what to do.
>
And my reply:

I know there is nothing I can say to change your mind, nor am I trying to. One of my biggest faults is that I turn inward and rely on myself to sort things out. That's what I did regarding our relationship. What I discovered is that I didn't have all the answers. How I was behaving toward you was wrong. I wouldn't have been able to understand that without the reading that I've done. You said yesterday that I need to get help. I agree. And I have been, the books that I have been reading have been tremendously helpful in getting ME to be a better person. Yes, they are focused on making the marriage better. However, they all start with the following common advice -- you have to be the best person YOU can be and that you have to accept that the relationship may be over. I'm just beginning my journey, but I know it's one that's going to make me the man I want and need to be. Not for you. Not for the girls. THough that second, especially right now, is important. But for me.

I understand how determined you can be. That's one of the qualities about you that attracted me in the first place. But you also refuse to consider other courses of action once you make your mind up, or even as you're making your mind up. In that, you're somewhat like me in that you put blinders on. Like me, you turn inward and don't listen to anyone else or only to what you want to hear that confirms the direction you have chosen. Please don't take this to mean that I don't think you considered your decision carefully. I know that you have. I'm trying to make the point that you may not have considered it from all angles. Again, I am speaking from personal experience on this. To date, this is the biggest decision either of us have made in our lives. As I've said, I don't want to walk away knowing that there was more that could be done. Your refusal to even acknowledge the possibilty that things can change is the flip side of your determination, and also one of your biggest faults.

And you're wrong, I'm not trying to push you to love me. I fully understand that that is not possible. I don't want you as my companion in life if you don't want to be around me. What I am trying to do is to get us to focus on each other -- at the same time, with full honesty -- to see if those feelings can be reignited. I don't know that they can be. I do know that there are ways to act toward each other, slowly and steadily, to see if those feelings do return. THAT's what I'm asking for. Not a guarantee that everything will be OK. A chance for things to be OK. No, not even OK. I chance for things to be great. I'm not interested in settling for what we had for the past 4 years. I want something better. And, yes, I believe with all my heart and soul that we can have a great relationship and marriage.

I keep hearing you say that any effort/trying is going to be perceived by me as evidence that everything is OK. I've NEVER said that. There are no guarantees. However, I believe that with us focused on each other with 100% honesty, our lives could be great together. Things might not work out that way, I just think it's a damn shame that we'll never know.

Eventually, if we continue on this path, we'll fall in love with someone else. We may be wiser and avoid many of the issues that have caused us to end up where we are today. Or we might not and be having this conversation with someone else a decade or more from now. What I'm trying to say is that, knowing that that is going to happen, I would rather make every effort to see if (if, if, if, not for sure) WE can fall in love as a couple again. To me, there are more positives than negatives in the way our lives have developed. All I can do is SHOW you, by actions, the man I can be.

I'm sorry you feel the way that you do. I am terribly sorry and upset with myself for the way that I acted toward you and made you feel. I'm NOT trying to manipulate you. THis is from my heart.