Respect and trust are the most important elements of a marriage and if she's not giving you either of those, well, there's not much else you can do.
You are SO right. I told NOP this last week; that, if I had to rank the unacceptability of each of these things -- to me -- they would be:
1. Her disrespect of me;
2. Her deceit to me and our immediate familiy;
3. The actual affair itself.
When you first find out, #3 is all you can think about. But as you go thru it, the disrespect and the deceit/lack of trust move to the top. Marriage is hard enough when you DO trust someone, but you just have issues to work on. When you don't trust them, don't love them anymore, and rarely even like them, it really is time to move on.
