H coming today, what do I do when he asks how I am

[SallyM]

you all are wonderful, thank you so much. I can't believe the support...it really helps. I am still a mess, have temporarily pulled it together for the kids sake. as soon as they are in bed, though, I'm sure I'm going to let 'er rip again. I just feel so sick. I've known in my heart for a while that he just wants me to do the hard part...the letting go. figures if he keeps going long enough, I'll end it so he won't have to. maybe he thinks he's even being kind by doing that, I don't know. all I do know is that this is breaking my heart. but I won't let it break me. I can't. I won't.

I know what I'll say when he asks for the D. that, at least, is comfort. cold comfort, but comfort none the less.

what really makes me mad, and is probably what is making him mad, is this. when I found out about the a, I did what I normally would do in crisis mode...go into autodrive, trying to fix everything. I had a therapist the day I found out, and a couples therapist by the end of the week (took me a couple of days to confront him). we were in both appts that week. one of the first things the CT gave us to do was to write down things we needed from the other to make a sincere effort to save the marriage. I did mine immediately, although most of it revolved around ending the affair...I was shell shocked that there were any problems, keep in mind. he finally did his a week later, and gave it to me rather nervously, saying I wouldn't like it. It was almost all stuff I wanted to change about myself. things like buy myself more clothes (I tended, as a sahm, to let that go a bit), develop some new social life outside of him and outside of playdates, and to keep the house better (I have a high tolerance for clutter, as long as its cleaned up at the end of the day). all of this was stuff I embraced immediately. I've made huge strides, in fact. and now he resents me for all of it. it pisses him off. and I'm sorry, but f him for that.

okay, so now, what do I say when he calls to say goodnight to the kids? anything? do I keep things light? if he doesn't call tonight, he's coming tomorrow afternoon for visitation (already plan to go somewhere while he's here). I'll see him/talk to him at some point. what do I do????

I just can't believe how he is acting, how he is treating me. especially how he has been acting lately, which seemed better in a way. maybe you all are right...maybe that freaks him out so he is putting a stop to it. I don't get why he would want to.

I am tired of being treated like the bad guy by him. I am. trust me, I take responsibility for my part in the weakening of our marriage, but omg, according to him I am evil incarnate. and I promise you, I am not. no matter how much he wants to twist things so that it seems like I am I'm not.