I am female and HD. Well, I think I am HD. I don't really know how HD I would be if I were getting lots of regular LM and PDA's. My H is obviously LD. He is a great person. We have a great friendship and get along quite well as long as I'm not wanting more. He is perfectly happy with our relationship he says. H puts a great deal of time and energy into his job. He recently lost a bunch of weight and feels he is now simply fat instead of obese. I agree with him on that but only silently. There is no ED or other issues for us to deal with than the whole HD/LD issue. Things work fine when we LM. He is a very attentive lover but very routine.
I've read alot of the posts on the forum and I can say I feel like every other HD woman out there. I feel awful for wanting more and not being happy with what I have. I am terrified at some of the stories I read of second and third marriages that have the same issues. I feel ugly, undesireable and unwomanly because my husband doesn't want me, compliment me or find me attractive. The sadness thing is that I have a better body in my 40's than I did in my 20's. I look good for my age, 18% bodyfat, athletic, strong. My hair is feminine, my clothes trendy but not too young looking. I don't wear alot of makeup and take great care of my skin. I am an interesting person who does things outside of the M and my job. And yet it all comes down to why doesn't he want me? Yes, I've read SSM and I know why but why?
We have been in counseling for the last year or so. And truly H will do anything to please me but its not automatic. When he is tired or under stress it all stops again. I want to be with someone who doesn't have to think about touching me. Its not part of who he is and it never will be.
In the past when we were going through a rough patch I'd tell my friends I had a vision of our relationship and how good it could be. Now all I have is a vision of a relationship with someone else, someone more passionate, more lively, more interested in me.
I am bored, I am lonely, I am hungry for a passionate relationship with someone who likes to hold me, LM, play, flirt and be best friends. I truly believe that the M I have now is the one I will want when I am 60 or 70. He is a wonderful companion, he is kind, shares in chores, we have common interests. Should I just hang on until then?
