One day at a time

[sadhearted]

Yeah me too and it sucks. At least I have now. Don't know if I have forever. I sure hope not but if I have there's nothing I can do about that. Which sucks also.

[789]

We all are NM, I will actually lose my whole family. As I have stated before, I am closer to anyone of her family members than I am to anyone in mine.
But I am not giving up hope, just giving up worrying about it for now.

[sadhearted]

I'm the same way you are. In the back of my mind or deep down I just really don't think this is what he really wants. Is that me being foolish and I'm kidding myself? I mean people tell me I know him better then any one else. IF I do then I know this isn't what he wants. A lot of times these days though I wonder how much I do know him.

My SIL told me today that he will realize that the only time he's ever been truly happy was with me. Sounds nice but is it true or will he ever see that? Who knows. I have to hope though.

[789]

Keep on hoping, nothing wrong with that. You do know him better than anyone else, go with that feeling.

[sadhearted]

Just can't seem to shake the bad thoughts. Amasing how it's easier to think of the bad then the good. Course I haven't had any good in the last week.

[sadhearted]

My H has come across the last couple of days as more business like then ever before. Very sad. I just don't know what to make of anything anymore.

He started a new job yesterday. Today I got an email from him wanting me to confirm everyone's b days and such for insurance I guess. I was on the list as well. Which was nice to see and could sound good but it could also be he's just being responsible. Since at the moment I still don't have a job.

I seem to be having a really hard time of completely letting go. I mean I thought I had and I prayed and put it in God's hands but I still worry like crazy. Guess I just haven't learned how to just let go.

Still very sad today. And last night I said I was going to try to be more upbeat. So far haven't figured out how. Course I think it's a combination of things. This, my oldest is sick. my H's grandma is in the hospital and there for awhile yesterday didn't know if she was going to last much longer. Last I heard I think she was doing some better but who knows. She's had 2 surgeries in the last 3 months she's 89 and was ready to go yesterday. Just all very sad.

[HSSweetheart]

I think they go through stages. There was a period that mine wouldn't even let me hold his hand. I was afraid to touch him in bed even by accident. But then they realize that we haven't really changed, we are still the same people and they mellow.

Sorry to hear about your grandmom. Very sad, hope she gets better. I lost my parents 15 yrs ago so I also have that to deal with during all this. No one to fall back on or get support from. My mom was divorced while pregnant with child #2 who her H said wasn't his. (He is!) Then she married my dad when they were 5 and 4 and had 3 more, including me last. Second marriage worked for her. She would have lots of insight for me, she had it rough! Moved in with her Mom and stepfather-yes, another second marriage that lasted till death. My H used to say everyone in my family got a divorce (except me until now!)Thought I was the exception. Guess no one is exempt.

It is natural to be down. I went down earlier today from something I heard on the radio. That got me to thinking. But I try not to think, at least until he actually moves out. Try to watch a movie with your sick child. That always keeps me occupied and if sick that will keep them going as well.

Hang in!

[sadhearted]

Yeah these stages aren't pleasant. I mean I've always known he'll come close realize what he's doing and back away. It just gets me every time. I think this is the first time it's felt more business like.

It's my H's grandma and yes it is sad. I've always loved her. She was the only one in his family that accepted me for me. I'm going to meet him after he gets off work and we're going to go up to see her. Guess he's putting on a nice front for his family. This is my H's second marriage and I want it to last til death. I have no control over it though.

I came across the scripture today that says What therefore God hath joined together let no man put asunder. That lifted me for a minute. Still feel sad though. Not sure I can make it thru tonight going to the hospital and not cry at some point.

Thanks. It feels like right now I'm hanging by a thread but I'm hanging.

[sadhearted]

I am just devasted right now. We went up to see his grandmother and I don't know if she'll get better or not. She's ready to quit. It was all I could do to keep from crying right then and there. When we were leaving she was saying her goodbyes like this was the last time we would see her. So we leave the room we're both holding back tears. He wouldn't let me touch him. I figure because he didn't want to break down in the hospital. I drove him back to where he had parked his car and he just sat in the van. By this point we're both crying he is letting me touch his arm. And he made the statement he has never felt more alone then he did right then. Stupidly I said I'm right here your not alone. He said your not supposed to be I don't know why you are. Which then lead into an hour long discussion about us. Short of it he says he can't trust anyone to open up completely with. Still no talk of actual D or anything like that. He just can't trust me. He doesn't know what he needs from me so how am I going to give it to him. Stuff like that.

I just feel really dejected right now. I've done nothing but cry since we left the hospital. I know he's talking from pain but with his grandma it just makes it that much harder.

[789]

Do not feel dejected, a whole lot of things are going on right now with him. It doesn't help with the situation of his grandmother in her condition. Just be available if he needs to talk or anything. It is a trying time right now, let go of the worry for now and just focus on the positive parts that are happening.