Going in to this, we had previously discussed and agreed, we will just tell them together that we aren't doing well together and need to be apart. We will be there for them, and so on.
When she departed from the script I had no idea it was coming.
Talking to the attorney cleared up a few things. The attorney just called my desk.
1) She can take the trip to see OW if she so desires. Not on my dime. And not with our children. Neither one of us will ever again be able to take the kids across state lines without the others permission. Attorney stated I am not to fund her trip. That money is to go to pay bills, which W created in large part, and school supplies etc.
2) No more paying for her nights out. Get a job. Again, my money, technically our money, needs to go to debt reduction. Going out 2-3 times a week is all well and good when you are ahead, a sizable amount is deposited into the kids college fund and there is a fund available for play money. That is not the case. So if she wants to go out, feel free, but not on my dime. The attorney said to look at it as someone taking money from my children, essentially that is what it is.
3) Reality bites, hard. I'm going to be paying a lot out, 4 kids equals 40% child support. I'm okay with that, I want to take care of them. The issue the attorney raised was, in the past W has got us into some serious financial spots, how well is she going to manage this money? Attorney will explore some options for managing the money jointly, within reason of course. I will also pay an additional 10% or so in maintenance/alimony. Although in Illinois, this can only go for 4 years, tops. Most judges intend for this to end sooner than that. The law is also written in such a way to minimize alimony as often as possible. We'll see. I don't want her life to be wrecked as my children will be living with her. Yet I will need money to fund my life, and most importantly a place for the kids to come stay with me during visitation.
4) All outstanding bills will be split 50/50. Sucks for me, I didn't make one purchase on any of the maxed out credit cards, and nothing was purchased for me on those cards. Either way, it is what it is and that is the most likely outcome. Sucks to be her, she has no job, no prospects and is about to be handed a boatload of bills.
(Speaking of jobs and no prospects. Yesterday after her little speech, she went to the pool with D10 & D6. All well and good but did she take a copy of the classifieds? Nope. I guess in this job market people just drive by and throw jobs at you while you work on your tan.)
5) In talking to the attorney, I realized more than ever I'm going to be okay, no matter how this turns out. Whether she was flattering me because I just handed her $500.00 deposit, just being nice or was genuine, she told me that in a few months when my head is clear from this mess she would love to set me up with 3 or 4 of her friends. She told me that I'm an attractive guy, she has a hard time believing that I will be 40 in a few months, have a lot going for me and so many women are just frustrated with the lack of really good men out there. She said I will get snapped up in a heartbeat.
The nurse that was pre-registering me for my surgery said the same thing. She asked if my wife was going to be there, if she wanted to watch or they have a pager they can give her so she can return when I am moved to recovery. I told her my wife won't be there, she is planning on being out of town. The nurse stopped typing, and just stared at me. She asked if my wife understood that I will not be able to get around for a few days. I said yes. Nurse than said, "she better watch herself, there are a lot of women that would be willing to take care of a guy like you." I just laughed and said I think she is hoping one of them will show up soon. Nurse said, "oh trouble on the home front?". I told her yes, W had filed and things were only stoppable by her at this point, I don't see stoppage happening. Nurse started laughing and said, "well she is crazy, I'm going to let the girls in there know and I'm sure we are going to have to draw straws on who gets to shave you." Shave me? She started laughing again and said, "your leg silly, just your leg".
Speaking of surgery. Attorney also said the settlement for my leg, which will be sizable according to Attorney, will not be split 50/50. W will most likely get 25% or so, and given that she is going to be gone and do nothing to assist my recovery, we could probably fight for less. I asked Attorney if I can have the settlement put into some sort of trust for the kids, ie; college, weddings, etc., and she said we can definitely explore those options. She also said with my W's financial history, the judge might be very open to that option. I don't need the money as much as I need to know my kids will be taken care of when the time comes. That is my preference, we'll see what W has to say at the hearing.
You know with all the positives to balance the negatives, as much as I try to maintain PMA through Emmitt Fox's mental diet approach...., it still sucks to think of my 6 year old yesterday jumping into my arms as I come through the door, giving me a big kiss and welcome home daddy... immediately followed by, "are you and mommy still breaking up? please say no daddy, you can do it, say no."
