Frustrated and Saddened #2

[Iamworththetime]

waw1978 waw1978
Member


Registered: 06/19/07
Posts: 114
Loc: Boston Hey Stew & Dustin,

I know this whole situation with M's sucks. Bottom line. No denying it. Sucks for the other person too. No one wants their M to go belly up!

Of course there will be a point where this is "too much" and you begin to feel like a doormat. Guess what? Your W's are adults. You cannot control your W's actions or feelings. You are only responsible for you actions and feelings. So if you are starting to feel like a doormat my suggestion to is get on with your life. Stop being a doormat. They are not making you sit at home and wait for them. Go do your own thing. Stop making the W's the center of your happiness. Cause you know what? Thats not going to change the W's feelings. Seriously, start making your own plans without checking in with the W's and see how they like it. This will get their attention without you saying a word. This whole boundaries thing? May cause the W's to take that final step and move out. Is this what you want? If it is...plow ahead. But don't be surprised if the moving truck is not far behind. As long as you know they are not cheating on you, any other "boundaries" will be seen as you trying to control them.

Maybe this is sounding harsh and I am sorry cause I mean this to be helpful to you both.

Not harsh at all WAW1978, in fact, after much thought I realize that I'm not in any position to set boundries. I am going to go on with my life, last night my W came into the living room and asked me if I was awake, she said " CJ (oldest D) really wants to go to your mom and dads, your mom said she could come and stay a week by herself" I said " I was going to ask you about that, I want to take the kids down there this weekend and I'll leave CJ there and bring EJ(youngest) back with me on Sunday and I wanted to ask you if that was ok", she responded in a kind of surprised way "You're off this weekend?" And I said yes, I am< she just kind of looked at me and said "Oh, okay" and then went back to her bed. I think I kind of surprised her.