Have not seen W since yesterday and probably won't for a few days depending on if D 12 goes to her mum tommorrow or not.
I have settled into my new life reasonably well and W dosn't appear to have adjusted nearly as well , has someone sprayed that greener grass with weedkiller ??
I thought Mr Petty's words flirting with time are very apt for this sitch. The longer this goes on the more I am going to settle in to a fresh lifestyle and the harder it will be for W to convince me that we can reunite with some expectation of long term success.
I realy hope we can but I dont see her facing up to the hard issues that will need to be addressed.
I have in some ways quite enjoyed not having W around. I dont need to put up with her attitude or the secret txt messages, the anger , etc.
However D12 was crying last night in bed and I went in and sat with her, she misses her mum. That sort of hit home to me that I owe it to the Kids to keep at this and not give up. So the rest is over its back to puting some effort in on my part even if its just a good attitude.
Dave, I hear you on the song lyrics, seems a bit fitting for me as well. I am glad you are enjoying your new lifestyle, I certainly hope W will face the hard issues. But unfortunately we can only walk our paths. Sorry D12 is getting hit with these emotions, I am glad you are being a rock for the kids. Keep it up. I hope you had a great weekend!
I dont know whats going on in W's head. For the second night in a row W's been home when I got here from work. Both nights has prepared dinner for everyone and invited herself to stay. Tonight she took D back to her place to stay overnight after watching some TV. All very pleasant and happy family stuff , which I guess is good but I actualy felt tonight that she was invading my space as bizare as that sounds. Still there are so many here that would love to have this sort of interaction with thier WAS so I realy should not complain but shes messing with CK's mind a bit. Now D is having some friends sleep over on Saturday night and W will be here o/night . I said I will make myself scarce , even stay at W's , W says theres no need , I can stay. However there will only be one option for sleeping and thats together in our (my) bed. That will seem odd to me. This is the strangest separation ever .
I guess this is all good , I am going to keep doing whats working and see where this leads.
That's a tough situation. It's hard to know what she might be anticipating. I think it might make sense to have a plan for some alternative sleeping arrangement. One idea is that you can pick up a twin size mattress that blows up with a hair dryer for less than $20.
Just don't mention it until you are ready to go to sleep, making sure that you get ready before she does and that she sees you go through the motions in some way. Get the thing out and start blowing it up. SHE can offer to take the mattress, let you sleep there or invite you to share the bed with her (I know it's your bed now but she is kind of a guest).
That way you wouldn't be making any assumptions. She can't tell herself you pressured her in any way. And, if something happens, that might not be such a bad thing. Whatever you do, don't let yourself have any expectations. Expect to sleep on that mattress (or whatever else you come up with). Anything more would be... who knows?
Good luck!
...still hanging in there!
M - 40 H - 45 (Big Time MLC - Currently House Hopping) S - 11 (w/ Asperger's Syndrome Autism) D - 5 (w/ Type 1 Diabetes) 1 Dog and 2 Cats Married 10/92, Bomb 10/06, H moved out Mother's Day 07 (Sweet huh?)
Dave-- I have been MIA again, and sad to see your D having such a hard time. As a mom, I can't imagine moving away from my kids...I can hardly believe that my H did it. It shows the pain and confusion he is suffering from, I suppose.
If you are not comfortable with W coming and going on a whim, you really should say something to her. Is it authentic to hold in resentment about your space? She left--why is she making the rules about when to be in your house? I don't know...just seems like it may keep her stuck for a while, since she feels comfortable doing whatever she wants without regards to your feelings, and you will let her do it.
I am glad that you are trying to hang in there, if only for the kids. It can be so frustrating to deal with these aliens, and it is understandable to get frustrated and wonder what the point is sometimes.
I tend to agree with both indy and Donna on the points they raised. Not much else to say in that regard. However, I do agree with you that most LBSs here would die to be in your shoes right now, but I think once we got there we would have the same kinds of reservations as you do. We all want to make sure that the M will work this time around, and therefore need to know that our WASs are 110% invested before we completely accept them back. I think I myself would need this assurance, anyway, and would expect to see this demonstrated time and time again before taking that next step.
I actualy set this up when she left by telling her she was welcome to spend time with the kids here when ever she wants. So I guess thats whats shes doing. I also think the more that she wants to have a normal family life that the more effort she will put into to sorting out our issues. What this means is more hard work for me , I have enjoyed my rest but now its back to DB'ing while I have a great opportunity , trying different things and testing the results. Keeping expectations in check and , not trying to control W are the two biggies.
This is all good realy I think , looking back 6 months I would have given anything to have the sort of friendly interaction we have now .
We all want to make sure that the M will work this time around, and therefore need to know that our WASs are 110% invested before we completely accept them back.
GD I feel the same way but logic tells me that if we wait for 100% or 110% we will be waiting forever. Everything comes in stages . I think I will look through some piecing threads to see how this works when its going OK. Dave
