Not sure if I'm the person to help you with this. My S also doesn't understand why standards should apply to her, D16 yes, S14 yes, H yes but W no. Go figure. Yes living up to standards takes work and somehow W feels she can pull things out without them.
The analogy of the canoe rings true right now. When you get in a canoe there are a few things you must do. Decide you are going to get in, quickly and don't stop. You must step right in the middle, reach for the rails for support, follow quickly with your other foot, then sit down and in promptly. Pretty much anything else will put you in the water and you will fail. Sounds like it should be the rule of marriage also.
I think our spouse are still trying to "slow play" into the canoe of marriage.
