One link at a time

[Phoenix_spark]

OK, so I finally found the last page. I was very impressed with the letter/email to H. If you can live by that, great. Needless to say, no matter what, you have a challenge ahead of you. Isn't it amazing how we can be so far apart in a R, but so much inter-twined in life? So much apart, but so distant.

[LoginName]

BeingMe,
Thanks for sharing that email. Well said. Good plan. You've been at this longer than I so I guess if you can keep going, maybe I can too.

I bet it will be harder to live up to that email than you might think. I keep trying not to have R talks, but the pressure builds, and builds, the uncertainty builds, then an R talk slips out.

Others have come through this and gotten their marriage back. We can too. Or, we'll be happy and live our life's. Kind of a win win situation, in a dark, crazy way.

Good luck, thanks again for sharing.

I love the quotes too. Good advice.

[BeingMe]

Thanks for the comments everyone ... really appreciated. Re what he said, Phoenix ... he said nothing. I asked him if he had anything to say, and he said he was thinking. He had more to say when we spoke on the phone, i.e. he was depressed because of his job, feeling like a failure, not feeling like he was of any use to the children anymore (now that they are growing up, leaving home, etc.). What can one say to that, except respond with the email I sent him? I don't know if he's read it yet. He'll probably get to his home emails tonight after work.

[BeingMe]

Ya know, I was ready to move on depending on his reaction (which was pretty much no reaction, which should've been pushing me out the door). I felt I was at the end of what I can tolerate in a R. But, after speaking to him on the phone, I realised that I couldn't do it now, not when he is down. Like kicking a wounded dog. Just cannot do that to the father of my children. So, I will honestly try and do what I said I would in the email. In order to do that, I will have to find an outlet for my loneliness, and boredom. I think I will have to join a club or two. I used to belong to Toastmasters, so maybe I'll go back to that. And, maybe join the local badminton club, or some other sports thing. Good exercise while I'm at it. I guess I can volunteer for some community organization too, like environmental. I need to meet new people, and just get out there and socialize. The problem though, is that I have met new people, but they're all married, so it's difficult to hang out with them without my H. I have to ponder this more.

Anyone got any ideas? Thanks again, for checking out my sitch.

[Aud31]

BeingMe,

Sigh. I know how completely frustrating this is. I admire your ability to recognize your H's pain as well, and your resolve to follow through in giving him what you believe he needs.

You've talked about your creative aspirations...are there any creative classes/groups you can attend in your area? I love the exercise ideas too. Also, you've talked a little bit about a new career...what is involved in pursuing that avenue?

[BeingMe]

A new career involves study, and work, and I am up for it. However, our finances aren't in great shape to carry my studies, plus my S20's, plus my H's (potentially ... he is thinking about it at present). So, perhaps I will just continue on my own at home ... writing and painting. I doubt if it will make a living, but it will give me an outlet, emotionally and creatively. There is a Life Skills Coach Training course starting up at our local university, next year. So, I am thinking of doing that because I really do like the idea of helping people work through life issues, such as careers, school, and so forth. I was studying for a personal fitness training certificate, and am halfway, but find it very difficult to do a course like that through correspondence. It might go well, though, with the Life Skills Coaching Certificate.

Watch out for my fantasy book, in your local bookstores, around 2010! Hahaha! I have started it, but it's slow going. I have thought about writing a book about marriage, and life in general, so we'll see if that gets published. In the end, it's really for me, not for the money or recognition. I also love to paint (mostly watercolours), so will continue doing that.

Thanks for checking in.

[BeingMe]

So, H phoned and told me he had read my email, and some of the parts almost had him in tears. He agrees with what I have written, and also hopes we will stay married. So, we will see where it all goes. I just loooove these long distant, weekend only, R's .... NOT!!!!

[Phoenix_spark]

OK, may I say at least he called admitted to reading the e-mail and then admitted his feelings. He said he wanted the marriage to work out. Now I guess we're waiting to see when he gets some fire and commitment and really goes after it. But at least he made those steps. I've got a spouse that's still Hokey Pokey, can't tell if she's in or out. Wants to look good on both sides of the fence and doesn't want to be accountable for a "bad decision".

[Aud31]

I agree with Phoenix--it's great that he called and shared (even just a little). One thing I keep running into in my sitch is that my H isn't ME. He won't ever act/react the way I would in any given sitch, and it's hard not to expect him to be someone he just isn't.

[BeingMe]

You're both right, Phoenix and Aud! Although, he always phones me in the evening when he's away from home. However, I will give him credit for actually discussing the email some. That is a step in the right direction, since he seldom has anything to say. I do think he is somewhat depressed over his job, and all the peripheral cr*ap that has gone with it. Anyway, we'll see where it all goes. I just need to meet people here so that I have some adult conversation occasionally. I like my own company, and I adore hanging with my kids, but they have their own thing to do, and being alone gets one a little nutty sometimes. I can already feel myself not wanting to go out of the house, and being reclusive. Not good at all!