GD...I know my posts from the earlier times are archived here and you can do a search on them...someone did when I thought they were all gone...I went back and read some of them...boy was I lost then too...
H had a classic MLC...although at the time I thought he just went totally insane...but I now know the two are very closely related...he gave some reasons: He needed to focus on his career...I always had to have things my way, he let me and now resented it, he didn't love me anymore and hadn't for years, he didn't think I loved him (this one totally blew me away), he didn't think I respected him (this was his own self reflection based on what was happening), he thought that I could never change, he didn't think he could ever "endure" living with me...
I know his MLC began about 3 years before he left...when he lost his career job and decided to become self-employed...something he had always wanted but "I wouldn't let him do it"...there were some signs before this but this was the BIG trigger that sent him spiraling...
Yes, there was an OW...she was younger but he said that had nothing to do with it...I didn't know of her until he left me but after talking to her and looking back on cell phone records they had been carrying on for about 6 months...it continued about another 6 months...he was ready to marry her but because of her situation she couldn't move...and he said he couldn't (although he had already moved away from us far enough we didn't see him...or hear from him much)...she found a OM and moved on last he heard from her...
I filed for D twice...got within 5 days of it being final the first time and we mutually called it off...he then went dark on me and the kids for 5 months...not a word from him...my reaction to this was to file again...that D is still pending for legal reasons (he has HUGE debt he needs to clear before involving me back with him in community property)
I think there are many reasons that he came back...some complex and some simple...I think he missed his family...probably more the kids then me...he realized that I was not "all his problems", he realized that I was very capable of change...and he found out that I truly did love him...and he accepted that he had not made the best decisions because his life was a mess while mine and kids was going relatively good even though we were struggling financially...and I asked him to come home after we had started seeing each other as friends again (not really DB'ing but I did it and it worked for us)
The piecing was almost as bad as the beginning of all of this...I questioned my judgement many times...many times he would say and do hurtful things...I wondered many times if it would ever work...when he finally went to the doctor and was diagnosed with depression...then got slapped in the face with the fact that he had to take care of his diabetes that he had been diagnosed with just after leaving me things started showing promise...he admitted he was an alcoholic after a 9-1-1 visit to the ER via ambulance...this happened one more time before he really took it to heart...he has been sober now for almost 8 months...things are still coming together better and better now...I know I did the right thing...and I can pretty much say I know we are going to make it...he says the same thing...and he says he loves me again!
He was my high school sweetheart, I was 15 when we started dating...I was the only girl he had ever been intimate with...a lot changed that summer of 2004...and in the end I think we will all be better for it...but in some ways we did lose somethings that will never be regained...I have to accept that and I am...painfully, but I am...
