I've heard the phrase "Do you want to be right, or be married." so many times I could puke! Sometimes, there isn't a choice. Sometimes there is no marriage without following the right path. I hope that your STBX sees the light and works on her problems. Sometimes a short, sharp shock helps but I think in her case the marriage is probably going to have to break before any progress can be made and then it'll be up to you if you want anything to do with her. Respect and trust are the most important elements of a marriage and if she's not giving you either of those, well, there's not much else you can do.
I hope that things are calm for your kids and they and you take the time to rebuild your family. Show compassion for your wife but stand firm in your beliefs. There are women out there who will understand your trials (quite a few here on the board would literally hunt you down! ) and you're a gem of great value.
) and you're a gem of great value.