I am guilty of already making all of the smart alleck comments that I don't really mean like that. I said a number of things on the phone when I first saw her with this guy (they were driving away so I called her). There were many phone calls until she turned her phone off and I think I said every dumb thing in the book.

I've already said I'd like to meet him even if I really would rather not. She just didn't answer the first time. When I asked again later she just said "no". After having participated in conversations like this, I can tell you that they only made me madder and probably didn't do anything to help our relationship. That is why I think I'm going to try this ignoring approach for a while.

I am curious to see if she'll ever call me again.

There are other things I could do that I haven't ruled out yet. I have the guys cell phone number. I could call him. I don't know what I'd do if I did. I thought about calling and asking if hes seeing anyone and what her name is. But remember, he does already have a relationship according to my girlfriend. He would have to be a real moron to answer this question to someone he didn't know over the phone since he's cheating too.

I also thought about calling as the boyfriend of my girlfriend and asking questions specifically about her. But I could see a lot of ways this could backfire.

I also have talked to her relative in the nearby city before but not in a long time (not since she moved). I've got her phone number. I thought about calling her with the intent of just being mostly honest and asking questions. Just saying that I know and I'm concerned about this guy, and asking the relative how long my girlfriend is at her house, how long shes with this guy there, if she ever leaves with the guy, etc. Of course she'll stick up for my girlfriend at least a little bit but sometimes comments slip. I actually think this is the avenue I'll persue next. Of course my girlfriend will find out that I called and asked all the questions but I'd rather she found out I'd called her relative than called the actual guy. I think one is more argument provoking than the other.

I think the "we haven't had sex yet" comment was a slip. I don't think she meant to say that much but she was being pressured for answers by me. But since it's such an absurd thing to say (most people definitely wouldn't have added the yet), that's what makes me believe that it MIGHT be honest. But I know I'm just looking for any answers.

I've also considered suggesting couples therapy. Anyone have experience with this?

I've also considered suggesting counseling with her pastor. Now again, I'm not a religious person. I've never been to her church even. But she is. She had been going to church every Sunday. She holds her pastor in very high esteem and has confided in him in the past so I was thinking this might be an interesting approach. Obviously, he is going to have an interest in promoting marriage but there is no way he would recommend two relationships and lying so he would probably be on my side. Now here's an interesting twist: the last month or so she has also stopped going to church citing various reasons (price of gas, oversleeping, etc).

And I've also considered hiring a private investigator. My reasoning is that a lot of our arguing is me trying to find out information. A PI would provide information. But I already know they are spending time together so I'm not sure how much more a PI could provide.

Would love to hear comments on my thoughts above...