First let me say ~ awesome stuff here! You are doing great, keep it up and I think you will continue to see improvement in all areas of your life!! I have a few comments to what you wrote:
Quote:
I started doing very well (in my opinion) and the W actually talked with me about my "changes". She commented on how she really liked the new me and wanted to know how I "just changed everything overnight?" She said that I made just the right changes and did things as if I knew exactly what she wanted. She said that she was feelings "neutral to positive" toward me and felt comfortable with me as a friend again.
It is great that she commented on the changes she has seen. Use that as your motivation to keep it up. Like I told you before she is most likely waiting for you to slip up. Don't!!! No matter what it takes, DON'T!!! Just be extremely consistent with the changes that she tells you she likes. I really think consistency is key for you in your sitch. It will help build trust again with your W.
Quote:
but she quickly cautioned that it "didn't mean we were getting back together."
This sounds pretty typical for a WAS. She is scared and doesn't trust the changes you have made yet so she is keeping her guard up. Take it with a grain of salt and just keep on going. She may also be testing you to see what you say and do to these type of comments and to find out where you are with things. My H does this pretty frequently. He projects how he thinks I feel on to me so I either agree or disagree (well, I used to. Now I don't say much at all). Just stay positive and act as if all the time. That really seems to work for you in your R and in other areas of your life.
Quote:
Most of our friends / family still don't know we are separated, so if they ask us to do something, I leave the decision up to her (since she said that she wants to call the shots for a while and feel like she has some control.)
This is good. I think letting her have control and you reacting positivly no matter what her decision is, is the best way to go. I get the impression your W felt like she had very little say in the going ons so I would imagine she find this to be very empowering, which is good for both of you. Now just keep up the positive attitude and encouraging her to make decisions/be in control because your reactions to this will make all the difference. She needs to know that you trust and value her opinions, thoughts and ideas.
Quote:
A little over a week ago, she said that she felt kind-of "cramped" as she thought we "slipped right back into everyday life and fotgot about the space we were supposed to be having." I nicely explained that I left all decisions up to her, and that she could decide not to do something and it wouldn't bother me or our friends/family. She then acknowledged that she was in control lately, and she had the power ot say no;and told me that it made her feel better.
I think you handles this absolutely wonderfully!!!
Quote:
The last week or so has been extremly tough! It's hit me extremely hard that i've had no emotion, love, concern or contact with my wife for two months and I can't get it out of my head. I'm trying to follow the rules, but this week there's just no comforting the pain for some reason.
I hear ya! (((HUGS)))! It is normal to feel this way and some days are going to be worse then others. Make sure you come here to journal your thoughts so that we can provide support to you. I really believe nobody else but the people on these BB really understand the pain all of this causes. My best advise (and I do know how hard this is)! is to be patient and continuing to act as of towards her. I know you don't feel like it because of being down but you really are doing great! I can see a huge postive difference in your latest posts compared to your previous posts. Just keep in mind, if we can see it, so can your wife and so far she has responded pretty positively to the changes in you! Seriously, keep up the good work, you are doing fabulous! Like I said before, I would be estatic if my H put half as much effort into changing my thoughts about him as you are! You should be very proud of yourself for trying to make things right with your W!
