Sanid is giving you some great information from within the mind of confusion. I would like to add to that.
Finally_Free...now Happy_Again does not post often--if ever. e sometimes checks in though. He registered around January of 2006...waivering and spweing at the borad in general. He was an MLCer..getting ready to return home; he has been home for over a year now. Here are a few quotes.
Quote:
I do love her but I will not let my guard down ever again to her. I told her that she will find someone else and will get over me. I will never again tell her I love her or she will think she has some hope.
Quote:
So how would I take steps forward without giving her false hope? I do not want to hurt her but I am still so unsure. I did call my kids last night and asked to speak to my wife. She seemed really happy to hear from me, maybe too happy and it scared me. I don't want to get sucked back in again.
But it was nice to have someone ask me about my day and my job and even ask me what I ate for dinner. I miss that part of her. I will admit that she didn't make any of her usual suggestions about my life and she seemed interested in what I had to say.
I had to end the call I suddenly got to feeling really anxious and made an excuse to get off of the phone. I lay awake all night thinking of my family and my wife and how much we have hurt each other in different ways.
I pictured her face when I once ripped her to shreds as she was trying to apologize to me, that look still haunts me. I pictured her face when she tried to convince me to have sex with her and how I turned her down flat telling her that I would never touch her again, and how she repulsed me. She sobbed like a baby and I just laughed at her and left.
