I normally post in MLC. I like to check the other forums, and came across yours.
I don't know if a woman's perspective will help you on your issues with the A that you had. But, I have been cheated on by my H. He was in MLC and had 2 OW while he was in the tunnel.
I suspected that his "main" OW was more than friends. He claimed that they were "only friends", but I suspected otherwise.
When he finally came clean I was livid. I felt I was made a fool, and I was embarrased beyond belief. I felt I LET this happen to me, because I trusted my H. I believed every word that came from his mouth.
Granted my H and I are back together, and have been for over a year. No, he never did move out but he talked about it all the time. He didn't wasn't in love with me anymore, and I was boring.
Anyhow, I know it's tiring and frustrating for you to have your W bring the A up all the time. Check what you are doing online, etc. But, if she's going through the same thing that I did.....it helps to move forward. To know the gritty details. It did for me. Even if it burned and hurt beyond belief, I NEEDED to hear the details. And I meant all of it.
Yes, the why is important too. But, I wanted to see who she was. Was/Is she prettier than me, skinnier than me. What did she have that I didn't? What did they talk about? Did they talk about me? Etc., etc., etc.
Inside though I knew why. I had become complacent in the M, and didn't keep it interesting. In order though for your W to completely heal, she will need to come to terms with what she did to give you that opportunity to cheat. Yes, you had a choice....but she played a part in that choice too. That's why it's called a relationship.
So, give her time. I'm still not over my H's A. Although it's better than before. No more panic attacks when he leaves the house. No more wondering who he's with, and what he's doing. But, it will take lots of patience. Understanding, and patience.
Just my $.02 for what it's worth.
RU
To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides. - David Viscott
