Still Tryin's new thread 2

[S.T. _I Made It!]

okay, I really screwed up again. I'm tired of doing this. H noticed me close a window, this one, and he thought I had been emailing someone. He said he's noticed me do it several times before. I didn't realize I was doing it that much if I was.

Well, I tried to explain that I'm embarrassed, and this is kinda like a diary for me and I don't want him to read it.

Basically we kinda had a quick low key argument about it. Then I went and played my music cause I really felt hurt/bad/sick. but that night he touched my arm and said he wasn't mad at me but wanted to make sure what was going on. I said, that I was glad he did. and later said thanks for saying that. I asked if we were okay this morning and he said yeah. I said sorry for screwing up so much and I was really trying. He said I didn't screw up if I'm just writing diary and there's nothing else going on.

I really need to stop getting on here(the internet) so much. I get obsessive sometimes. I think I really need to get a life. that's probably the biggest reason.

I did have some good things happen this weekend though. my pastors wife had a profound affect with her highbloodpressure, arthritis, and acid reflux. she also told me she's sleeping better too. I just gave them a case only 2 weeks ago! So very cool.

on a bad note, my cousins funeral is/was today. Of course it's in KS so I didn't make it, but I sent a card. I didn't even know what to write. What in the world do you tell parents that just lost there son after he killed someone and then committed suicide? How do you give any comfort? Especially where heaven is concerned? At the funeral, is the pastor going to say, he is now with God? oh, how incredibly hard it has to be for them to deal with this. I can't even imagine. Last year wouldn't even come close.