Journaling, So, I had to go to the required "parenting through divorce" class yesterday. I was so angry in the beginning because the hand-outs they were passing out seemed to point more towards WAS than the LBS. She was going through all the natural feelings that the WAS goes through, but they made it seem like D was part of that natural progression. I raised my hand and said that I wasn't sure how to address her questions because this wasn't really my choice. She agreed and said that she does have another hand out geared more towards the person who did not initiate it, she said the only reason she stopped handing it out was because she felt like she was already giving out too much info and no one else spoke up before. It just goes to show that here aren't many people out there standing for M. I got the impression that many people there were just going through the motions. I actually appreciated some of the advice on how to become good co-parents and will work on putting the advice into practice.
By the time I got home, I was emotionally drained...yet another reminder that this is all truly happening. I layed around on the couch and watched tv with D10...not very productive, but we had fun anyway.
For part of H's tour, he is in Canada and said that he wouldn't be calling because it would be too expensive. Around 8:00pm, I noticed that H had called around 5:00pm and he actually left a message, not a TM (it doesn't mean anything, just interesting to note). He said he missed D10 so much, he just had to call...he asked me to TM him when we were home. I TM'd him when D10 came in for the night. He called back and I just handed the phone to her and they talked for a while. D10 said she really missed him. I had not felt so sick in such a long time at the thought of him. I can't quite put my finger on what was bothering me so much...maybe it was just a combination of everything. I could hear D10 saying "cool" and stuff like that so I know he was bragging about something from the tour...that bothered me. He is cooped up with OW in a van and hotels and stuff...that bothers me. This is the longest we have gone without saying a word to each other (and I know he has a laptop and emails don't cost anything)...that bothers me. I guess a big part of it too is the reoccuring theme that I can't seem to get over...I am just not cool enough for him anymore. I'm not a singer, I'm not an artist, I don't have as many tattoos as OW, I can't have the carefree lifestyle in the city. He thinks he's a big rock star now and fame and money will make him happy. Ugh!
