Where does he sleep?

[indybyathread]

It is really tough when you are all together functioning as a family again and then he leaves, isn't it? Since my H first started mentioning being unhappy he has been doing this thing where he seems confident and sure when I feel miserable. If I am crying and promising to change, etc, he is right there saying that everything is going to be OK over time, I just need to let him have some time to work on himself, that none of this is me, etc. The minute things start making sense to me and I start feeling OK about things, he does a complete about face. Suddenly I am pressuring him and expecting too much and I shouldn't be looking at a future together because he just can't see that happening, etc.

So, the DB changes in me have him totally confused because, I am never begging, always calm. When he's here, I don't try to ask him about US. We have a very nice time together and I avoid any personal subjects. He enjoys himself and feels at home here. Then I think he panics at the end because he feels like he is giving in. He thinks I am winning somehow but he can't quite figure out what the game is.

I'm getting better at it the longer I keep it up. I am frequently surprising myself with my restraint. Each day I get a little stronger and a bit better at acting as if mine is a very happy home, with or without his presence. He can be here or not. It is up to him and I don't care whether he takes advantage of that happy place or sits around on some co-worker's couch pathetically wishing he had a private place to go.