I haven't read your first thread, but I am so sorry about your situation. Don't despair about about the "lost" "germ of hope". It sounds as though neither you or your H is quite ready for H to come back. My experience is that if he comes back too soon--and even if things seem all hunky dory and wine and roses for a time--he'll be out the door again.
I don't think that you've quite given DB'ing a chance to work. I completely understand why you've struck out in desperation--because everybody does those things: screaming fights, calling the OP. These are the natural things to do.
I truly think that you will have a better chance of reaching your goals if you first realize: you have no power on earth to control any person but you. You're going to make yourself a more attractive option to your husband if you basically just turn your back on him and concentrate totally on you and your DD. Turn your back on the OW. School hasn't started. Do fun things with DD. Do things for yourself. Concentrate on making a good life for YOU while H struggles through the mess he's made.
I know it's hard, and I know you'll be thinking about him all day--and you may not be sleeping very well, either. But you've got to disengage from this fight.
When you set your husband free to make his own choices--when you can pretend to be calm and pleasant and slightly uninterested in everything he's doing--then he's going to be a little bit baffled. And after baffled comes anxious.
And pretty soon OW will start making trouble--more than she's already made--and your pleasant, happy little family of two is going to start looking like a very attractive option to H--so attractive that he would be only too happy to be counseled for the rest of his life, if he could only be free forever from OW's talons.
It takes time. You have to be patient. It doesn't always work. But I think it could work for you if you give it a chance--I mean, if you step back and disengage. Your H already seems distressed and uncertain.
Check out Divorce Remedy from the library--or read it again, if you have it. Best of luck to you--and lots of hugs!
