WAW1978's adventures in DB'ing

[waw1978]

Journaling:

Friday night had a fabulous night with D4. We went bowling and played video games. We both had a ball.

Saturday was the bad day of the weekend. Why? MC appt that I was dreading all week. Apparently for good reason. Talked about H thinking I am a bad mother. This has haunted me all week. How does he respond? By criticizing my parenting skills. The C had a field day with this. H got blasted again. I swear the man is emotionally retarded. That’s what’s going to make me love you again buddy. “gee, I am really upset you think I am a bad parent…why yes I do” Lovely. Needless to say that was another one of the most miserable hours of my life. He brings up that he was too concerned about making everyone else in his life happy (ie his mother, father, sister, daughter). I asked when he stopped caring about making me happy? No response. Nice huh?

Tell me again why I am doing all of this?

I leave there feeling like I would rather jump off the tallest bridge I can find rather than continue with the MC. H finds me at home just as I started to collect myself and insists on talking about the session even after I tell him that I don’t want to talk about it. But he is insistent so I said fine, you talk but I have nothing more to say to you. He goes on and on about how all the things I am bringing up is coming out of left field, nothing like having your feelings be disregarded as baseless, part of the reason we are in this mess is his denial of how I feel. After he is done I tell him that I do not want to talk about the R unless it’s in an MC session. Period. He storms out saying “I guess I am the only one trying to save this M”.

Went to a BBQ Sat night only to find a well meaning friend had told some of the gents there that I was separating and needed to have a “good time” Maybe if I were divorced this would be appropriate and probably welcomed but it was ill timing on her part and made the evening rather awkward as I had to ward off advances. I left early…so much for trying to GAL activity for the weekend.

Sunday was another great day with D4. Took her to my grandmothers birthday party. Got to see her interacting with her other cousins her age. Really great day. Ended by getting the evil eye from H for keeping her until her bedtime. Apparently he only had lunch plans and expected that she be home by 4 but never told me this so I didn’t know. I also called both of his phones to tell him I keeping her for dinner so he wouldn’t worry and he never bothered to call me back to tell me this wasn’t what he had in mind. Too bad for him. It was my day, not his. Get used to it. He needs to start GAL. He has a new motorcycle that he had to buy as soon as all of this started. I was hoping this would help him GAL and start living a little bit but no not really working out that way.

After these horrible exchanges with him I am thinking about moving forward with a full blown separation. Moving out, no more MC and getting a legal separation agreement to protect myself and rights to my daughter. No more dicking around. He doesn’t get it. Doesn’t look like he will be tuning in any time soon and I am not going to wait around for him to have this epiphany. I just can’t do it anymore and I am starting to hate him. The one thing I really was trying to avoid and its happening.

Maybe someday he will get his head out of the clouds and realize that how I feel is important.

Hope everyone else had a lovely weekend!