WAW1978's adventures in DB'ing

[waw1978]

hey Sandi

Thank you reading through all of this. I was trying to find your thread to catch up on yours but wasn't sure which one it was. Let me know so I can read up on your sitch.

I found your comment about staying M being the "right thing to do". I used to think this way as that as how I was raised. But the longer I go to MC and post on this website and read M help books I am starting to realize that doing anything for the sake of doing "the right thing" isn't always for the best. The right thing for you is different from the right thing for someone else. I know for me, I cared way too much about what others thought and that made me not take the appropriate actions (leaving etc) sooner which probably made my situation worse in the long run.

As for the relationship with the OM. No its not disgusting. You are human being, we all make mistakes, or take an unexptected path from time to time. If you are really through with this OM then try and forgive yourself for that transgression. But if you really cannot commit to making your M work with your H then you probably need to find out why (unless you already know). Cause sticking around and trying to make things work cause its "the right thing" isn't going to work in the end if you heart is not in it. You need to want to make the marriage work because its what you want.

I still love my H and want things to work but my frustration is that I can't force myself to feel things that I just don't. I keep wising that there will be sufficient change in his behaviours that will make me feel love for him again...but so far that hasn't happened.