I've been going through a very similar situation w/my W. We are also similar in age to you and your W. My W has has a lot of personal issues she has been dealing with over the years, which have caused her to get very mean to me, especially when talking about any big decision together, i.e.: bills, insurance, where to move etc. We have a history of fighting very unfairly, and though we are both to blame, she has pinned all responsibility for our issues on me. She has even alerted friends and her family that I am abusive, though I have NEVER laid a hand on her nor made a physical threat to her nor any woman. She went through this same process with her EH, and coincidentally (?) told me the same things about him when we started seeing each other years ago. We have been separated for over a month now, and though we both share equally in our probs, no matter how much I have apologized, begged nor pleaded with her to reconsider, it only makes it worse. It's hard not to try to analyze everything she is feeling/thinking, especially since she never speaks to me anymore unless she wants something, and she is always guarded and defensive. She also has self confidence issues, and has always thought she would ruin me or that she would not be good for me, so any disagreement only justifies that in her. If I try to tell her she IS the one for me, and that we just need to work through things, she becomes defensive and throws out comments to try to gain my sympathy, which believe me she already has. I love her more than anything and yet, like your wife, she holds in so much anger that I fear she will never let it out so that we can make amends and move forward. The guilt I already feel is too painful to bare sometimes, yet she keeps it coming, no matter how I approach her. Recently, I have told her almost the same as you have told your W and from what people and the DB tells me, it is all you can do now until she comes to you on her own and opens up. Only you and your W know what really happened between you, and though she may be justified in being hurt, her pain is no longer yours to carry and you DO have to GAL, no matter what happens, or the pain she is carrying and directing at you will only make you feel worse and weaker, and she will not want you back if she senses you are not strong within your self.
