NikkiB #18

[NikB]

Thanks all for your posts!! Hi ST, GD, RJ... good to hear from you.

Had a pretty fun weekend. Seems like it went by really fast!! I want to catch up with everyone but I'm barely keeping up with myself right now..eek.

Friday night went out with H and SIL... had a blast!! Saturday was a birthday party for a friend's 1-year-old which was a lot of fun. Sat night went and saw that reggae band I mentioned, they were SO GOOD! We got to see people I haven't seen in probably 10 years, it was great there. They even dragged me up on stage to dance at one point (with a bunch of others from the audience, but still, that's huge for me!). If you've looked at my myspace page it's the friends "urbanfire" - the bass player is Mikey and his wife is Steppin something... very cool people. It was good to reconnect with them.

Today I was kinda mad at myself. I'm out of town again for work and I planned to leave early and just hang out for some "me time" at the hotel, but I just felt kinda funky all day, I'm not sure why. I wanted to be home, didn't want to go anywhere and was NOT looking forward to the drive. Since it was already dinnertime and I hadn't left yet I suggested we do our "Sunday dinner" and that was the topper... I went to the store to get our dinner stuff, walk in, see the tell-tale "poodle hair" and guess who's in the quick-check line? Yep... PW/OW. YUUUCK!! I knew she lived near us but didn't know she ever went to that store. I haven't had to actually see her since Oct of last year and it freaked me out. I ran through what to say to her in my head and none of it was remotely acceptable, so instead I turned and went the other way quickly - not sure if she saw me, but probably. I couldn't believe how nauseated I got and it really shook me for a few hours. Can't believe I am giving that skanky woman so much power in my life. She isn't worth it, just need to get my heart (and stomach) to believe what my head knows.

I semi-recovered from that and went home, we had our dinner, swam for a bit, and then I left for my work hotel where I am now. The drive was nice, gave a lot of thought as to WHY I was so reluctant to leave and I finally realized what it was. The last few times I've been away for work or otherwise not at home, H has gone to dinner with OW/PW (and her new BF so I don't think anything physical happened but still.). And he says things like "Went out with friends since you weren't home" but eventually the truth came out. So now I'm kind of apprehensive about leaving, like it's some "excuse" for the behavior. Lame... but I guess now that I'm aware of it at least I can work on it.

Other than that had a really great weekend, though... sorry to focus on the negative so much! Guess the funk hasn't quite totally lifted, yet.