Yea, I know-just grasping at straws here, and the fact is that she has already begun to move the rest of her stuff out. Fact is, I just can't seem to let myself believe the advice of that guy nor accept those things about my W, so don't think I am perpetuating these feelings! I am just so lost as she seems so intent to end this, and I don't know what to say to her to reach her. It has become such a big drama in our circle of friends and with her family. Everyone is choosing sides, and yet it would be so nice if they could just support us and encourage us to work it out. I want to work it out, and even though I came home to the aftermath of her beginning the moving out process, and even though she has been very cold and calculating, I still want our M to work, and I still am in love with her and keep on forgiving her as friends and family tell me to move on and walk away.
She has been perpetuating some lies about me to those people on her side who we need support from, and now many are believing it as true, and are rallying around her and treating me differently. I have never struck her or threatened her with violence, and still she has been telling her family and our mutual friends that I have been abusing her. She is not talking to me about what she really feels (as she has done our whole R), so I don't know where she is at. She also still doesn't take responsibility for her half of our problems. Part of me just thinks she is scared to try and fail and it's easier to convince herself she doesn't need/want it, but her wall is so thick, and her denial so strong not even I can penetrate it...cards. flowers,letters-no matter, she won't let me back in. Plus this mess has grown into a full-blown drama, and I think she knows that it would be very hard to earn that support back if she were to come back. I do and have always believed in the best in her, no matter what her behavior, and I always will, but the problem is that she hasn't let her guard down with me in any way so that we can either work on our problems or part as friends. Her actions and words have been vicious and vindictive, and still I am here crying in the remnants of our life, hoping something will give. She is leaving behind anything to do with good memories of us, which makes me think she is just trying not to feel anything at all. I left the DR book on the couch when I left today, knowing she would be coming by when I left for the afternoon, and hoping she would see it and thumb through it and see the hope I have found for our problems, but by the looks of things, she was more intent on packing her things. What to do next-she is half out the door and has become even more bitter and vindictive lately....still I want to DB this M and get through it! Feeling lost again and wondering if I should just accept that she wants out. I am mad, hurt, confused and terrified that our sitch has got so our of hand that there is no way back! She also said she would rather leave all of her stuff and not have to get it, even though she has been back for a couple of loads. What's up with that? Help!
