Hmmmm. S is apparently really sick (throwing up and stuff). W is taking him to a local kids clinic, I'm on my way to meet them. Will post more details when I have them.
So, got to the clinic, found S about as bad as I have ever seen him. W was very distant, cold, preoccupied. You know: The usual.
Comforted S as best I/we could, got in to see the Doc, probably a bug. Exam was very positive, got a 'scrip for a new anti-emetic. Wondered aloud if W though it would be a good idea to take S to the house for some recuperation. She agreed. I offered to go 'fill the pills' and pick up some goodies for him, while she brought him here. Called from the store, asked if she had gotten any lunch yet, she said no, I offered to pick something up, she agreed.
Enough details, or we'll be here all night. Relationship Samurai made numerous appearances, and I really think some of what I have learned has started to stick. She seemed really down/tired, S had been up most of the night. I, on the other hand, got less than 2 hours of sleep last night, but you would have had to pay very close attention to notice. S bounced back pretty quick, was back to normal (or at least very close to it) within a couple of hours. W and I touched on a few outstanding issues, but very casually, no real conflict to speak of.
As they were getting ready to leave, I played an ace that was pretty unsure of. I just said, as plainly as I could, that I was very sorry for my outbursts of Friday night. I explained that I had had a rough day, and really should not have answered the phone. Took full blame for the way the call went, in other words.
Here's the shocker: She responded by saying that she had cancelled her trip, did not say specifically why. Double shocker: My immediate, sincere response was "I'm so sorry." I don't think she was expecting that. I know I wasn't.
She made extra sure that I would have S this weekend, so I have to assume she will be going to see OM, but I'm strangely glad of that: as I've said, I want her to get the chance to see that the grass isn't any greener, so to speak. I just couldn't bear the thought that she thought so little of all of us (S, me, herself) that she would go through with the trip she had planned, especially with S being sick.
Second chance? Maybe, but I'm still concerned that her "why would you even want to be with me?" argument of Friday night has done it's job on me.
Got a call this morning from an unusual area code, thought most of the day it might have been OM (didn't answer). Looked it up when I got home, found out it was a spanish scam call. Paranoia, anyone?
Anyway, as to real developments: Today was the day she was supposed to go to see OM, have him drive her back tomorrow, and introduce him to my son. She said she had cancelled, and I kind of believed her, but only an idiot would take this woman at her word. Around the time she would have been over Kentucky, she leaves me a VM about depositing some $ in her account from my account (she does the bills, remember, and most of them pay from her account). I returned the call, got VM, told her sounds good, take more than you asked for so you have some cash and can help MIL out, really appreciate you taking care of it, etc...
We played phone tag a few more times, finally spoke directly. She admitted that she hasn't paid any of her credit card bills this month (surprise), and that they are now astronomical. Relationship Samurai responded calmly that I've got some money squirreled away, so if she'd like to sit down and talk about it I would be glad to help. I think that might have made her mad, but oh well.
Get home, check her airline rewards account (she apparently does not know that I have access), and they list her trip as completed. WTF? Started to call her, thought better of it, just ate dinner and reflected on all the angles I could think of. Checked her bank account (she knows I have access but doesn't think I use it) and it lists a deposit for the same amount we discussed, but no date yet. Then, I get a real weird message on the answering machine, like someone called and didn't realize the machine picked up. Called W to "see if she and S were okay, because it was kind of a disturbing message". Flimsy, I know.
She calls back, says they are fine, just finished dinner, and will call for the goodnight in a little while.
One more thing: During the Friday call that went so poorly, she told me several times that things with OM were "progressing very slowly". Now, I know about alien spew, I know about self rationalization, I know about her intrisic flaws, but come on:
She told him she loved him before she ever met him in person. She slept with him the first time she did meet him in person. She met his kids the second time she ever met him. She planned on introducing him to her kid the third time she ever met him.
Slowly? Seems like a pretty good pace to me.
You'll be glad to know that I resisted the urge to call her on that claptrap, but I really, really want to.
Came home for lunch, found OM had posted a blog with his vacation schedule. By my reckoning, he could already be here in town.
Called the lawyer (again), still haven't heard back. Called W, talked for about 40 minutes. IT got heated, but no crying and very little yelling on either of our parts. I kept my head pretty well, but I just will not accept her exposing my son to any further confusion. She calims there are no plans to introduce S to OM, and never have been. There is a lie there, I assure you, but hopefully she is honest in her current belief that S does not need any further confusion in his life.
There are some signs that she is starting to get her head together, even if she is still utterly commited to the divorce. I do admit that I spoke pretty plainly to her, which certainly does not help my case, but I tried to avoid anything that amounted to begging, pleading, or pursuing.
As far as positive moves for me, I guess they are limited to the following: I admitted to getting a Lawyer before she did (not exactly, but I was the first one to seek counsel even if I didn't hire him yet), made it quite clear that she is free to pursue whatever relationship she desires with OM as long as it does not impact my son any more than absolutely necessary, took an opportunity to accept responsibility for all my failings and contributions to the state of our marriage pre-bomb, and even got an apology in for something intensely personal and private.
The last one was not something I would have felt I needed to apologize for if it weren't for my newfound empathy skills. I mean, she has never even directly identified it as a source of conflict, but I know it hurt her.
I never wanted to hurt her. Even now that he has chosen to hurt me as much as she possibly can, I still don't.
I figure there is just about no way to avoid the big D now, but I think I'm okay with that.
Ask me again in an hour, I'm sure you'll get a different answer.
