He warmed up a little. But still insists that he MUST go and get an apartment.
Went to the bar last night that *we* used to go to, and now I have been there enough without him that people have figured it out. Had one guy hitting on me, and another guy running interference because the first guy isn't up to par with me. It didn't really matter,it's not like I can't take care of myself- but I thought it was sweet of him to care. He really wants me and J to get back together because he "loves us both".
J came home late (3am) and I had gotten home shortly before that so I was up and about. He was VERY curious as to why I was getting home so late. I was vague. He told me where he was.
I am still silly enough that there was a booty call. He said he loved me. (I took it for what it was: he does love me...BUT.) I didn't answer back except to say "I know."
I think I need to find a place that gives free salsa lessons. And I have already made some plans in my head as to how I will re-arrange the bedroom.
I love my H and REALLY want it to work out, but I feel like a toy from Hasbro- a push me/pull me toy. Yes, it is partially by my choice--I am taking the crumbs instead of demanding the cake.
I hope to develop my self enough to feel that I have the leverage/collateral/confidence to demand the cake at a later date. Demanding it now would have little impact.
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
Imagine how intrigued he would be if you came home that late and were "too tired" for a booty call.
Now THAT idea I like a lot. It doesn't come off like I am punishing him or purposefully pushing him away; just that I "can't" muster the energy. (Too bad I enjoy it as much as he does, but I guess if I have to take one for the team and long term goals, so be it.)
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
More to add- heh- turning him down is such a nice theory. So hard to put into practice at this point.
Early this evening he announced that he was going to take a nap. One thing leads to another; super booty call. At one point he says "well, we have a great sex life, that's for sure. That's definitely not one of our problems."
fast forward- I make a quick micro-meal (it's like 8:30pm-very late to be eating) and we sit down and eat. After dinner he says "Well, I think i'm gonna go out for a bit." And I look at him and say "So I'm good enough to f*ck, but not good enough to take out." Him-(with a funny look)"Okay." Me-"what "okay"?" Him-"I see how you are" Me-"how am i?" Him-"This is such a weird situation. I mean, we're separating but since we still live together...." Him-"sex confuses everything. Aren't you confused?" Me-"yeah, only because in my mind I say "wow, we have a fantastic sex life, we're best friends...seems like we have a lot to work with-way more than most people"" Him-"Yeah, we'll see if that holds true" Him-"I just *have* to do this. I have already started down this path." I gave him a face of "you HAVE to do this?" Him-"I could not go and things would be happy, peachy keen for awhile, but then I think I would end up unhappy again. The only way I will know for sure is to do this."
The good news is that since he was out so late last night and I made sure he was 'satisfied' twice today, he will probably be too tired to get into trouble. He is 44 after all, not 24.
Am I crazy to be hopeful?
Edited to add: (My emotions turn on a dime...) WhyTF is he going out? What does he think he is going to find out there? It seems to me he isn't trying to be the least bit introspective; all he is doing is going out drinking all the time. Grrrr..
Last edited by Agent99; 07/22/0704:55 AM.
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
You were honest and you stood up for yourself. I am still learning the DB rules but sometimes I feel honesty let's us hold on to our integrity in the long run. I am proud of your courage. May I say that he sucks right now but he does have potential. He loves you, he wants you, he respects you enough to be your best friend, but he is in for a reality check when he realizes what it feels like to share you with someone else.
Last edited by mkultra; 07/22/0708:16 AM.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
2:11 am. I see that I have a tm on my cell "What's up I'm fired up." He sent it at 1:37am. I called him to make sure that he was okay to drive and he said he was alright. I said "why'd you text?" Him-"I just wanted to see if you were up." Me-"yeah. Are you on your way home?" Him "Yeah. I'll see you in a little bit."
Side note-before he left to go out I looked him right in the eye and said "You're not going to find anything out there that you don't already have here at home." And he said "Ya think so?" and I said "I know so."
I will be surprised if he doesn't miss me when he moves out, but I suppose it could happen.
Thanks for the nice comments mkultra
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
Gawwwwwwd, I am SOOOOOO ticked off right now. The short version is that he has been with me for 10 years so he already knows how "I am". Then in the following breath he'll say that I have really changed and come out of my shell in the past year/year and half, BUT I'll never change. WTF??????
Who in the h3ll does he think he is?!
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
Yesterday after he 'decided' that he 'knew' how I was, I went upstairs and I just let him have it.
I said that he didn't know everything, that *I* am working on things and growing during this process, that he has some nerve to tell me who I am and who I will be and that I won't let him, my mom, his parents-NOBODY will get to define WHO I AM, except for ME!
He says "Well, I'm trying to keep an open mind." Phshh-right.
He admitted that he does like waking up and knowing that I am there next to him, but he still feels like he needs this time. He also said that he is trying to distance himself so that he can go thru with his decision.
He tried his best to not think that this Thursday is our 10 year. I asked him what he wanted to do about it and he said "well, we can get together-keep it low key, if you want." I said I was torn- I know we aren't "celebrating" but I felt that 10 years deserved an acknowledgement. Then he goes "Is it really 10 years? Or are we *starting* our 10th year?" He even counted it out on his fingers. He tried VERY hard to spin it to NOT actually represent 10 years, but finally he had to chuckle and say "well, I tried."
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
he said "well, we can get together-keep it low key, if you want."
Translation: I'm up for a booty call, but don't expect a diamond necklace.
Bullsh!t. In this case, a fancy dinner at the best restaurant in town would be in order, followed by NO SEX. As opposed to you making him a nice dinner and then giving him "dessert."
Let him off the hook on the 10th-Anniversary DeBoer's commercial, though. What was the tag line? "She married you for better or worse. Let her know how it's going."
