H coming today, what do I do when he asks how I am

[SallyM]

thanks, bt. you know, I have lived in new england off and on for a while now, and I have never ever been to MV or N. Someday! was hoping this year, but doesn't look like it. I'm so weird, H has never been, either, even though he's a native bostonian, and I have this feeling he's going this year (OW has been to both many times). that irritates me to no end. funny how we latch onto things, isn't it?

NYC was amazing. I had the best time. it was me and 3 girlfriends...we ate/drank/had a blast. gorgeous weather, couldn't have ordered it better.

a couple of interesting H related things that I am probably reading too much into, but wth. first, I took off for nyc early saturday morning. called H to say good morning to the kids and that was fine. the thing is, H didn't ask me to call him when I got there or anything, something he normally would do, especially since this was my first time driving myself into the city. so when I got there, I decided not to call him...didn't want to pursue or whatever. I met up with my friends and we headed over to the museum of modern art and about an hour later, H calls. ostensibly to tell me a "cute kid" story, but it was not a story that couldn't have waited, ya know? I told him I had called his mom (she had freaked about me going by myself, so I did when I got there) and he then confessed to being worried himself and glad I got there okay.

then this morning, I called to say good morning to the kids before heading to breakfast. he got very chatty, even went outside to talk to me (no kid noise). a couple of hours later he called me 2x, I missed the calls (at breakfast) so called him right back. He said (gasp) that he noticed (gasp) that I was low on some stuff from costco so packed the kids off and headed there on a (gasp) sunday morning to stock me up. you have to understand, our costco is the 7th circle of hell on a weekend day. not only that, but since I asked him to move out a month or so ago, he has not done one blessed thing around here...not one thing. So for him to notice, and then to do something about it, was oh so shocking. the other shocking part was that he said, he saw the new harry potter book there (yeah, I'm one of them) and thought I wouldn't have had a chance to get it, so went ahead and picked it up for me.

gasp.


he called again (yes, again) on the drive home to tell me he took the kids to Garden in the Woods and that he thought my mom and I would LOVE it (haven't been before). for him to even think of that and then call is so much who he used to be, but not the ass I've been living with lately.

okay, all of that was great because he was actually chatty, human, and thinking of me. but I know how easily I read into stuff, how much I want to read into it, still hard not to.

and then I get slammed. I hit some traffic coming out of the city and was later getting home than I had expected, although not that far off. he sounded a bit thrown off...we had never talked about a time, he and I both figured mid-late afternoon, I got home at 4:30. When he sounds a bit put out from the timing, I of course automatically think he must have a hot date with OW. probably just ready to take a break from the kids, trying to remind myself of that. then I get home, he asks if we can re-arrange visitation this week...he has plans for saturday so wants to take them thurs-sat morn instead of fri-sun morning. without thinking, I asked what was up...not in a shrew way, just in an interested, oh, what plans way...the way I'd ask anyone. he got very defensive and said he had a golf date with "someone" and didn't elaborate.

long story short (well, shorter), I have been on a bit of a rollercoaster. but I think over all I did okay. I did call him and tell him fine about this week (had told him I needed to check my calendar). will hope for the best, and keep on GAL of my own.

well, there is my update. so hard, isn't it? I keep reading into things, both good and bad. I just felt so sad that I couldn't hug/kiss him after being away. at least the kids smothered me.