Married 15yrs, son 5, no physical interaction since son was conceived. We have drifted apart over the past 5 years. Neither of us have been meeting each others needs. W is done. She cares for me but, does not love me, does not want to work on R.
We sleep in separate rooms, I am the primary wage earner, work at home dad and primary care taker and domestic house keeper (cooking, cleaning, shopping etc.) She works full time, but I do not ask her for any money. Her money is for her to do as she pleases.
I have been trying my hardest since Nov '06 to repair our marriage and be the guy she deserves and treat her the way she deserves to be treated and trying my best to feel her needs. We have had our ups and downs since I started the DBing. She has noticed the differences in me and appreciates the effort, but says it is to late.
She has not reciprocated filling any of my needs and every few weeks or so, the taker in me starts feeling jealous and wants attention and I will confornt her saying I love to be there for you and I love to take care of you, but I do not get anyting in return from you. She says she does not reciprocate, becasue she does not want to mislead me into thinking she has feelings for me or that she wants to work things out. I know a lot of the reason she treats me this way is because I continue to allow it to happen. I continue to always be there for her and take care of her and continue to do so without receiving anything in return.
We had to move out of the house where we were living in (Utah), because it was being sold at he first of this month. I took it as a good opportunity for me to move to Ca. and open a business related to my work, that I already do from home. I also thought it to be a great time for us to get separated, since I have grown tired of feeling like she is taking advantage of me.
She said I could go, nut our S would have to stay with her. I could not allow him to be put into daycare for 10 hours a day while she is at work. Especially since he spends all his time with me everyday. We went back and forth on this for a few days and it only got uglier. She finally told me why don't you stay her and we will get a D and you can have Nick (our son) mon-fri and I will take him on the weekends. I agreed to this and I filed for the D that night online. The day we had the papers signed and handed into the court. We are no just waiting for them to arrived in the mail signed by the judge.
Well there is my story (condensed the best I could) and her is my quest that I need help with.
I am still deeply in love with my wife and I would take her back in a heart beat if I knew that she would treat me like a friend and not like a slave and that she would reciprocate filling some of my needs, not even the physical or intimate ones, just the ones like friendship, appreciation, communication. We go out to eat almost every night when she gets of work and we do things together as a family on the weekends. We are still very amicable and friendly as can be, but there is obvious tension between us. I am confident that she would move back in with me if I gave her the chance (she can not afford to be out on her own), but it would be for the wrong reason. I want to win her heart back, but not sure how to do it. Do I continue to pursue her with my kindness or do I stop taking her out to eat at nights and allow her to see how much I did/do for her (hopefully she would see) and how much she needs me in her life? Where do I go from here, what steps do I take?
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
