Yes, that hurts. Long before I found out for sure my wife was having a PA she called me one day at work and said she was taking S4 out and probably wouldn't be home when I got there. I found out later that she took him fishing with OM.
They all left for a trip to Florida last night and won't be back until Wednesday night. It's funny that after 1 1/2 years of this she still tries to hide him from me. I went to watch her perform last night with the kids. She was taking the kids after the show so they could leave immediately for Florida. He was at the show too. I'm sure they think I didn't see him. She came out to the parking lot to get the kids without him. When we parted I saw her turn toward the front of the place obviously to pick him up; she waited a minute before making that turn though until she thought I was out of site.
Oh, and my 8th anniversary is Tuesday. So my entire family will be in Florida without me for my 8th. She said she didn't do that on purpose; that she only realized after scheduling things that our 8th fell in the middle of the trip. That doesn't really help much though.
Yes, I feel the same thing as you. I have a voice telling me it's over and another telling me not to give up yet. It's tough. It's hard especially when a pleasant memory from the past hits you in the face. You think those memories have to still be in your spouse somewhere and wonder if those same experiences don't hit them in the face from time to time.
As I said I've been going through this for 1 1/2 years and this is all relatively new to you I gather. We've been physically separated for nine months and I have decided to go ahead and file for legal separation. After one year of that if we aren't back together we have to get a divorce under Tennessee law.
I think it's too soon for you to give up hope although it is perfectly reasonable for you to feel hopeless. Finish the book, work on yourself, seize the day, etc... There is no reason for you to be in a rush to end everything.
Don't give up, but do detach. It's a hard thing to do. It's a process. Even when you are relatively well detached you'll have days that are rough, but those get to be fewer and fewer.
