Thanks, CVA. To be honest, I'm not very sorry to be going through this. It really has been one of the best things for me. Ever.
I cannot speak for her, of course, but for myself this has been an extremely unhealthy relationship. It was quite common for people to ask "What is she doing with you?", to which I always responded "I don't know". Now I am finding out a lot about myself, both good and bad, and I know (in my heart if not my mind yet) that she has been the lucky one.
I have some similar tendencies/similarities to your sitch: She is a "verbal wimp", meaning that she will not share her feelings openly, only builds resentment and operates on silent revenge. I, on the other hand, have always shared everything with her, never building any healthy boundaries for myself. That is why the pain of this betrayal has been so difficult for me to bear: It's no ones fault but mine, but I really put all my trust in her. As a fellow ACOA, you know how difficult it is to let go of ingrained loyalties, no matter how damaging they may be to you. Luckily, her continued arrogance and brutality have finally given me the chance to see her clearly for the first time, either in a long time or ever (not really sure which).
During the friday call, I pointed out my concerns about S hurting some poor girl when he gets to our age, because he will have been taught that this is just what people do. She protested, said that of course she would not teach him that. I responded by pointing out that she is, in fact, following her father's footsteps exactly (as a refresher, her father had an affair with W's aunt, broke MIL's arm in front of W at age 6, divorced MIL soon after, used blackmail and deception to win full custody, remarried 3 months after the divorce was final, and beat his children regularly).
I've said it before (including to W during the Friday call), and I will say it again: I am so tired of being right. I just want to be loved.
P.S. If anyone has any advice on how to handle these recent developments, I am willing to listen. In a way, I am following the "After the Last Resort" technique from DR. Or, at least I feel that I am. I'm very concerned about losing my credibility by going back on my word, but divorce is not the way I want this to go down. Since the friday call, I have been very upbeat in my few moments of contact with W, including some shared nervous giggles during the goodnight call last night as we "jinxed" each other with our goodnights to each other. I saw it as positive, but I'm afraid it just won't be enough of a connection to help her make what I see as the "right" decision.
So, offer any advice you would like, because I am just not seeing any solutions right now.
