1. You don't need to be mysterious about your GAL activities. If you have interests -- great.
2. Do not put a CD on with romantic music. That's chasing.
3. Telling her, "You look Hot" is fine. It's bad boy behavior. She needs to see the dangerous guy in you. You are way too nice.
4. Regarding the finances. If her affair is going to bankrupt you, tell her to make more money or scale back on the calls.
5. You said...
Quote:
She said that I looked angry and thin and felt bad that I haven't been doing things for myself. I replied 'Maybe I look angry because that's all you concentrate on and I'm thin cause I don't have much of an appetite'.
Dude -- that's being petty. Stop it.
She's noticing that you are pissed off and not taking care of yourself -- as you have guessed, that's not attractive. That's why you must GAL.
6. Don't read relationship books in front of her. That's sending her a signal that you are consumed with saving the relationship -- it's a form of chasing.
--Theoden
Allow me to comment further, please. Theoden is right on (as usual), but here is what (I believe) my DB coach would say about the above:
#1. Right on! The more she knows about your GAL's, the more attractive you will be to her. Yes, being mysterious is good, but be forthcoming with most GAL's.
#2. Yep, no pursuing is permitted in DBing.
#3. Coach advised doing what she called "drive-by flirting." Say "Wow, you look hot," then walk away. Leave 'em wanting more.
#4. Agree.
#5. Guilt is not attractive. This is the one thing that I am having the most difficulty with. If you want them to come back to you, you cannot make a WAS feel guilty. It really makes you unattractive because they worry about when the next "guilt bomb" will be dropped.
#6. Again, Theoden is spot-on. No pursuing. Make the WAS come to you. It's the only way...
DBing is both a strategic action and a mindset. The easy part is the strategy: follow the rules on Page 124 of DR. The difficult part is the mindset. It takes time... and frequent visits to this website.
