Pile driver question. I can imagine the position. My question is what pleasure is in it for the female? I could think bragging rights, that you could do it. But aren’t other positions much more pleasurable?
My thoughts are, why do it mostly to please a guy?
I can't answer for other females but for me I would say the potential pleasure would be pretty much the same as the potential pleasure of doing one of those wild swing dance moves where you run across the floor and jump up on your partner. If it turned out to be more uncomfortable than thrilling I wouldn't do it again. I definitely wouldn't do it "just" to please a guy (Well, maybe if it was his birthday or something). Actually, the guy I am seeing now is very much focused on my pleasure or really very much focused on getting pleasure from my pleasure. He told me that I have a "special talent" because I orgasm so easily and repeatedly and in such an obvious way compared to most other women. So I'm like a really fun toy for him. It's interesting to me because I have good reason to believe that he is very sexually experienced. So maybe there really aren't that many women who are as sexually responsive as me?
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
the guy I am seeing now is very much focused on my pleasure or really very much focused on getting pleasure from my pleasure. That is what I like to hear. Like I said, the little home made, armature porn, I did watch, it was difficult to tell how much fun they were having. I saw a couple of women really hang on to the guy (H-W I assume) and those women looked like they were being really cared for.
I would say the potential pleasure would be pretty much the same as the potential pleasure of doing one of those wild swing dance moves where you run across the floor and jump up on your partner. I sort of understand why that happens. Not too sure about some other moves.
So I'm like a really fun toy for him. And I guess he is a fun toy for you. Just hope for your sake he is not a player.
And I guess he is a fun toy for you. Just hope for your sake he is not a player.
No,no,no. Don't hope that he isn't a player. Just hope that he plays fair and is both a good winner and a good loser. There aren't two camps of people some players and some not. There are just people living in denial of certain potentials in either direction. I certainly have player components to my personality. When I was 15 years old I seduced my first lover (gorgeous Black Irish 23 year old ski-bum brother of a friend) with a lame combo of skimpy nightwear stolen from my mother and suggestive Rod Stewart music. The important thing to remember is that "play" is "fun" and "fun" is "attractive" and "sexy." A good part of my contribution to the crappiness of my marriage was the fact that I had a hard time reconciling the roles of player and Mommy. Really, the same problem a lot of the LDW have but just with a different twist. However, I do believe that it is quite likely that if I had done a better job of staying "fun", it just would have led to my marriage dissolving earlier.
Stigmata made a point in one of his posts that he might indicate to a woman something like "I'm a nice person but I'm not a nice guy." Any woman with half a brain will interpret that as "I'm in player mode but I play fair by signaling this clearly." OTOH, NOP who has been married and faithful for umpteen years will post something like "i'm still as dangerous as when I first met MrsNOP." and thereby signal "I'm still enough of a player to be sexy." "Passionate Marriage" can almost be read as a manual on game theory or gaming psychology.
Anyway, at the moment, for better or worse, I am involved in a proto-relationship in which we are both self-aware meta-players. The man I am seeing had a profile on the internet which poked fun at the typical profile by saying something like "Friends first? I say f*ck first, friends later because how else can you know if you want to be friends?" and made some further jokes about the "no games" comments made on many profiles. I responded to his initial e-mail in which he claimed that he could do better than Leonard Cohen by sending him one that said "I thoroughly understand your desire to be contrary a la "f*ck first, friends later. I would add the line "Let's meet in an elevator while we're still strangers" to my profile but then I would be faced with the boring task of having to hit "Not Interested" a bajillion times." So... who's the player?
Everybody wants a mix of "play" and "comfort" in a relationship. If a relationship is a soup, it's like you are always balancing the salt to sugar ratio. Different people have different tastes but in general a relationship with no salt is about as appealing as no sodium soup, you might think it would be good for you but it's so "blah" you just won't want to eat at all.
Anyway, I am curious to see what will happen next in my proto-relationship because I played a straight-up cow card yesterday (though it was half his fault for babbling at me about how much trouble he has getting his kids to eat vegetables when I was literally f*cking exhausted). Will he run in terror from the huge bland suffocatingly bountiful domesticity of my cow? Do I have enough wild cards left in my hand to keep playing? Do I even have a clue what I'm playing for? The other funny thing is we were planning on actually playing board games Friday night but we got sidetracked by sex and when I said to him in faux bragging mode "I am very good at games.", he just looked right at me and said "All women are good at games.". Fun, fun, fun!!!
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Just hope that he plays fair and is both a good winner and a good loser. OK, I can go along with that.
I will admit to being too serious, the type of person that would put "not a player" in my profile if I were single.
There aren't two camps of people some players and some not. I see that better now.
Sometimes it is hard for me to think of people who post things like "Friends first? I say f*ck first, friends later because how else can you know if you want to be friends?" as not being players. I typically think those type of people really might mean F first then move on.
Anyway that was the old line of thought when I was dating. I got that impression form a couple of guys in the Army barracks who sort of bragged about their sexcapades. In addition, there were a couple of mechanics I work along side that had similar attitudes. I didn't like the guys in general. They were self-centered and didn't care about other people much. I can see they didn't have a sense of fair play within them self.
Anyway, at the moment, for better or worse, I am involved in a proto-relationship in which we are both self-aware meta-players. Well, that sounds like a fair and balanced R. Something for FOX News??? Just kidding! OK, serious. That's kool.
Everybody wants a mix of "play" and "comfort" in a relationship. Different people have different tastes but in general a relationship with no salt is about as appealing as no sodium soup, you might think it would be good for you but it's so "blah" you just won't want to eat at all........(goes along with)....the same problem a lot of the LDW have but just with a different twist
The important thing to remember is that "play" is "fun" and "fun" is "attractive" and "sexy." So true grasshopper.
Will he run in terror from the huge bland suffocating bountiful domesticity of my cow? I hope he has enough smarts to see that is part of you and people need to accept the whole package, not just the fun parts.
Do I have enough wild cards left in my hand to keep playing? Do I even have a clue what I'm playing for? Well, compared to some person I know very well (BB) you have lots of cards to play.
And as to why you are playing, I would say it was because you missed the "monkey times" for so many years.
Interesting views Mojo. I have always been on the conservative, safe, comfort side of this R stuff. It's enlightening to hear how it can be different for someone on the other side of the spectrum. I still don’t like to see anyone get hurt too much when or if a R breaks up. One reason why I tend to go at a snail’s pace.
Okay, here's another question for the men on the BB. Should I regard the fact that my current lover expressed a preference for how I should keep my pubic hair (At the moment I have very little due to the fact that I've been swimming a lot and got a bit irrationally exhuberant with the wax. He suggested, in a nice way, that I might want to have more.)a form of territorial p*ssing? He said this after the 7th time we had sex if you count sex by boy orgasms. My sister said it probably wasn't territorial p*ssing but just that he could no longer resist commenting on the weirdness of my current look - lol . However, I do not think that can be completely the case because he did say something about how he knew some guys liked it like that. Anyways, IMO, it would be wholly irrational for a man to convey his opinion on such a matter if he was not hoping to continue having a sexual relationship with me unless he made his living by running some sort of full-service beauty salon. OTOH, it could just be the case that I have some sort of sick tendency to become sexually involved with artistic Type 4s (of course, the one I am seeing now is quite high-functioning since he is a successful professional in his artistic field so maybe that makes a difference) who can't help commenting on sexual aesthetics. Luckily, I am the most differentiated woman on the planet now so I was just like "That's cool. Thank you for expressing your preference. I personally don't care much one way or the other except to the extent my bathing suit is revealing so I'm good with a change."
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Mojo I regard the fact that my current lover expressed a preference for how I should keep my pubic hair..... He suggested, in a nice way, that I might want to have more.)
Just my opinion. I think BB looked more natural with pubic hair. She lost most all of hers after finishing the cancer treatment. It didn't come back.
If I had my preference, a landing strip would be good. But, that is not within my control, so what she has, is what is going to be.
I personally don't care much one way or the other except to the extent my bathing suit is revealing.. If that is true, let some grow back
Is it a form of territorial p*ssing? With me it would be, a visual, a tactile, what I thought was normal, a preference. I don’t go for tattoo’s on women at all and feel about the same way for guys with tats but some people do like them. Some leg and arm hair on women is OK too.
The No hair state and some tatoos seems a bit juvenile and I like maturity.
You are missing my point. I don't care why he might have that preference (actually I know why he said it was a tactile preference). I am wondering about his motivation for stating such a preference.
Let's say you were single and you discovered that a new lover had a big tattoo of a heart on her *ss. You might have a strong preference that she would have it removed but you would know that it was a big deal to get a tattoo removed so I would think that it would be unlikely that you would state your preference on such a matter unless you were contemplating having to stare at that heart on a regular basis. Obviously, changing up my waxing routine is not such a big deal as having a tattoo removed but still I think it would be rather bold for a man to state his personal preference on the matter unless he had some sort of vested interest therefore I tend to regard it as a form of minor territorial p*ssing.
Of course, if I were a woman less under the influence of the theories propounded on this BB, I would probably be more inclined to regard his more romantic gestures in that light. I have come to see more value in honest "selfish" expressions than in more validating expressions for which I can't know the underlying motivation. (Yeah, I know that I s*ck because I couldn't really "get" this completely while sunk in the fusion miasma of my dysfunctional marriage.) It seems to me that although it is true that without validation the whole world of human relationships would fall apart and things would be quite bleak, the problem with validation is that you always have to take it on faith. If someone says "You make great pizza!" it is different than when somebody says "I love the way you saute the mushrooms in garlic before you put them on the pizza but I would prefer a little less red pepper in the sauce." Honesty trumps validation but, of course, insults are not necessarily honest either.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Should I regard the fact that my current lover expressed a preference for how I should keep my pubic hair...a form of territorial p*ssing?
I don't see how this can be anyone's way of being territorial. I mean, if you choose to "let your freak flag fly", who's going to know except you and him? Unless you've been going to a nudist colony? I think it's just a statement of preference, of which you may respond in whatever way suits you. Any grooming changes you choose to make are quite temporary. It's not like he wants you to tattoo his name on your chest.
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
Lou wrote: And I guess he is a fun toy for you. Just hope for your sake he is not a player. After which you wrote: No,no,no. Don't hope that he isn't a player.
Many of us have a negative perception of "players" because most of the players that we have known have been sexual con artists.
Nop suggested that you seek someone who is an ex-player, who has run their course and is looking for a more stable relationship. I chuckled a little at the suggestion because 1) he was describing himself, and 2) if you are a player, that is a really good play. I could see some liar Lothario saying "You know, I've gone out with dozens of women, but all of that casual sex has been pretty meaningless. You seem like the kind of woman I could finally be happy with." Good line, huh? (It's not like that line would work on you, but plenty of women would find it quite a coup to be able to turn a player into a former player.) The fact is, plenty of players will say anything in order to get someone in bed.
Quote:
Just hope that he plays fair and is both a good winner and a good loser. There aren't two camps of people some players and some not. There are just people living in denial of certain potentials in either direction. ... The important thing to remember is that "play" is "fun" and "fun" is "attractive" and "sexy."...Anyway, at the moment, for better or worse, I am involved in a proto-relationship in which we are both self-aware meta-players. The man I am seeing had a profile on the internet which poked fun at the typical profile by saying something like "Friends first? I say f*ck first, friends later because how else can you know if you want to be friends?" and made some further jokes about the "no games" comments made on many profiles.
I think the kind of "games" that people in those dating ads want to avoid are "head games". People don't like being manipulated and lied to. Games are fun when both participants are playing and both parties know all of the rules. Many people don't know they've been played until the player is long gone.
Quote:
Anyway, I am curious to see what will happen next in my proto-relationship because I played a straight-up cow card yesterday (though it was half his fault for babbling at me about how much trouble he has getting his kids to eat vegetables when I was literally f*cking exhausted). Will he run in terror from the huge bland suffocatingly bountiful domesticity of my cow?
Once he started talking about his kids, it stopped being a proto-relationship.
Stop fearing the cow. The cow is an important part of who you are. In fact, one of things that would concern a guy about dating a female player is fear that the woman may not have a nurturing side. So now he knows that you do. Fun in bed, yet nurturing. What's not to like?
It makes sense to send out the monkey first to set the tone of the relationship, but eventually you have to be who you are, and bring the whole menagerie with you on the date. Unless you are willing to pass up intimacy with your new guy. I don't know, maybe you do.
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
The No hair state and some tatoos seems a bit juvenile and I like maturity.
To me, a shaved kitty and a collection of tattoos seems more like an older woman trying, and failing, to look like a young hottie. There's no need to dress like an old woman, mind you, but pubic hair is a sign that a girl has passed puberty, not college. Maybe it was just having seen too much porn with 30+ year old "cheerleaders" shaving their kitties and wearing pigtails and cheerleader uniforms and looking slightly ridiculous.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
OK, serious. That's kool.