I read SSM and it was so great to see all of my feelings and problems outlined so clearly. I am pretty close to giving up and having an affair and I know how dangerous that is so I am looking for strength and help from wherever I can get it.
Here's my story: I have been married for less than 2 years and have a 15 month old baby. Of course, my husband blames the infrequent sex on our son, but the baby always goes to bed before we do and takes three hour naps in the afternoon. Since my husband and I both work at home I don't think we would have any problems having sex more often.
Background: I have always been the HD spouse and in all of my previous relationships as well, but it didn't seem to matter when I wasn't married because I didn't feel trapped. I had a three year relationship in college and we had sex daily. That would be my ideal situation, but my husband seems content with once or twice a month. When we were dating it was more like twice a week, which I used to complain about but now I think it would be plenty. I dream about sex all of the time and lately have started fantasizing about another man who is crazy about me too. I probably shouldn't have, but I told this other man how I felt and now I don't really know what to do. It is so frustrating wanting sex all the time and I am only 27. I look great. I feel very sexy and I am much happier when I am not with my husband. It makes me sad that I would rather flirt with other men than spend time with the "love of my life" who has completely lost interest in me. He never compliments me and he would rather play computer games than have sex. I know the problem is partly my fault. Perhaps I nag him too much - I'm always asking him to spend more time with our son or clean up after himself. I do all the housework and childcare and it is hard because I'm trying to get a PhD and he refuses to help out. My husband works at night a lot and whether or not he works he is always very tired. I wonder if he is depressed... In any case, he is usually a very unfun person: pragmatic, boring, a bit of a buzz kill really. His negativity hurts and when we try to do something fun together (go to the lake, for example) I get so annoyed by his attitude and his unresponsiveness. When I ask him a question he often doesn't even respond. His excuse: he thinks I'm talking to the kid or to myself. It just feels like I'm being ignored...and I am a bit of an attention hog. I am in a community theater production right now to get out of the house and it is great, but I can't say it is helping our marriage. We need to find a way to reconnect or else I fear I may start living a double life.
I know this is a lot of problems but any advice is much appreciated.
