Just wanted to let you know that I feel stronger this morning than I have for a long time. Lin's message yesterday helped me so much to stop seeing the OM through rose colored glasses. Also after reading that post, I realize that I am still feeding the EA. I realize that, in spite, I go to bed at night thinking about him and allow myself to fantasize about him...ugh! How stupid is that? Don't answer, please! I know I will never get over the EA doing that! So, my goal this week is to do whatever I have to do to break that bad habit. That is what it became...a habit to drift off to sleep thinking about him. My R with my H will never improve as long as I am doing that.
I am bearing my soul here because I know that I can't accomplish anything if I am not honest with myself. So, first the strength to say good-bye to the OM and break the ties there. And, I feel like I have finally been able to do that. Secondly, find the strength to stop the EA feeding every night. Sounds like a baby, doesn't it? The regular night-time feeding.
Hope all of you have a good Sunday. My prayers are for all the ones on here that are hurting. It is for everyone...regardless of which side of the fence we may be on, we all are hurting. The LBS may not believe that by our actions, (thte WAS), but we are....our guilt, our self-inflicted punishment, our confusion, not to mention God's discipline, facing the results of our actions....it is painful even if we don't talk about it to our families...believe me...we hurt too. I don't say that for any reason other than to just let you know we have not "gotten off easily"....ok? I think I am realizing what is meant by not believing what you see and hear. No matter what is played out or said in front of you....we WAS are hurting. And, sooner or later....we are very, very sorry for what we have done. My prayer is that all the WAS or "nearly" WAS, as I was, will be sorry sooner rather than....too late. Why do I say I hope we will be sorry sooner? Because, then we can start to heal. That is what I want to do. I want to start to heal. I believe in God and I know He can do anything as long as we allow ourselves to be right with Him. If we are in His perfect Will....then He will help us and heal us back to His plan for our lives.
Well....didn't mean to preach a sermon here on Sunday morning. Thanks to all of you...my new and precious friends...keep on keeping on. This boad was the best thing that has happen to me since my "fall". I have learned so much.
Sandi2
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
