Opti, Hi, glad to hear things are going better with your H. He sounds much more open now and that is important.
The PCS out was hectic to say the least doing everything on my own for the first time. Played the "recently D'd" card for a lot of missed suspenses and being a Chief helped out too. But we made it and another accomplishment by self.
On vacation right now in CO spending a lot of time w/D19 and some w/xw, those posts are on my "D'd but not done" board thread. We (S14/S16 &I) leave for NJ next Monday to start yet another adventure and those exploits will probaby end up on my "Surviving the big D" board thread. Things have a way of working out on their own with less stress and worry on my part, at least that way for me. Enjoy the summer, keep in touch, RonJon
Hey, I was just "reading around" and was reading your thread. I just wanted you to know how very, very sane you are when it comes w/ dealing w/ your son Luckily, I have another girl at work that has 2 boys and we tell each other our stories and make each realize that we're very normal.
Right now, my H is deployed for a year. We have 3 boys, ages 7, 3 & 1 and I am doing it all by myself. It's not easy. Today, I'm actually feeling very worn down.
Anyway, when we were going through our D sitch and I felt so very angry all the time, I too had a very hard time dealing w/ the boys w/o anger. It's hard to be hurting, angry, etc. and then try to ACT normal.
Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone and you are VERY normal & sane!!
Last edited by Cadesmom34; 07/22/0704:25 PM.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Thanks for the vote of confidence, Cadesmom! Three boys has to be tough. Although maybe they keep each other occupied better than just one.
For some reason, last night I couldn't stop imagining the alternatives to the choices I made three years ago when I left AK. I fantasized a lot about what would have happened if I'd just refused to fill the vacuum my H left when he fell into a depression at work and disappeared. What if I'd let myself fall into the same depression. Part of me wanted so bad to wait for the rare occasion that H came over to see our then S2 and then disappear. Get in the car and drive away with a bottle of pills. Let him be the one left behind to raise a son alone. I spent almost an hour fantasizing about the details. He'd have to leave the service, go stay with his parents, get a lesser payign civilian job with normal hours. He'd be right where I am. He'd be spending years of his life digging himself out of a hole. Not me.
To bad I'd have to die for that to happen and leave S without a mom.
So, just like the alternative of filing for D seemed last year, taking myself out would have been worse than the path I chose. even though this path sometimes leaves me feeling inferior. If I didn't end the M when he treated me like trash, and occasionally still does, it makes me trash in others' eyes and my own. At least that's the way it seems sometimes.
And sometimes I realize that I'm placing too much importance on what other people think of me.
Anyway...things are going very well between H and I. He still seems to want to be with us, calls whenever he can, tells me about his new job. He is on his new ship, 150 miles away (as opposed to 3,000+). I hope to see him in a couple weeks, if he gets the weekend off. He seems happy with his new job so far...which is huge. Seeing as how unhappiness with his old job is what he blames our entire situation on. So his family is at the mercy of how well he likes his work.
I look up the boards every couple days, but just don't have much to post anymore. Unfortunately I'm not seeing much of H at all. I saw him three weeks ago for a few hours and a month before that for a weekend. That's it since he transferred. He was calling all the time and emailing. But I think things have gotten much busier at work for him, so I just get a quick email every few days.
Gotta be honest...I don't like it. It's hard to blame him for it. But I'm not happy. Don't really know what to do about it. H says he thinks he will be able to visit us more in October. But if I don't see him this weekend, I won't for another month. This hasn't been much of a light at the end of a tunnel. There's just nothing to say about it. It is what it is.
Luckily, I have another girl at work that has 2 boys and we tell each other our stories and make each realize that we're very normal.