Don't worry too much about what this "event" has done to your family...yes, it shook them to the core...I won't lie about that...but just as you lost their respect and trust...you can regain...it just takes time...
I have no doubt that the OM is well busy with other ladies...I know I observed many a man behaving like this with several women...some would confide in me how it excited them...and sometimes they would even tell me how they would lie about how they thought the woman looked or how young she appeared (not suggesting that you don't look younger and good)...really to me these men are like dogs...they will lust after ANYTHING...
The OM also used some great tactics to real you in...like "telling" you to put your marriage and family first...that he took last place...hmmmmm, think about that one for a bit...
Also, I too believe that if he felt it was real love that he had and he was ready to rescue you from your woes and be your knight in shining armor he would not have let you go without at least a little pursuasion to stay in touch with him...to keep talking...to make sure...something more then "let me know how your doing"
I really really believe that he was letting you "call the shots" for 1)so it might not happen 2)if it didn't work HE would not be to blame 3)he could always say you were the one that brought this on yourself not him....and a host of other excuses...
Also about your dolling yourself up...that is the in-love feeling making you WANT to do all you can...and now with your H it is partly that you don't care...partly that you have nothing to win (you know he is there)...and partly that you are still dealing with the withdrawl of the OM...
Might I also comment...you have now said "good bye"...that you would not have a PA while married...stop feeding the EA now...I have a gut feeling that these "good byes" are hoping he will respond with "Please Sandi...don't leave me...we can make this work"...let it die now...you have had your say...maybe not as strong and as forceful as you might want later...but trust me...let it die...and IF OM should ever contact you and want to know how you are...DON'T reply...I will tell you from experience to that even years later I have been contacted by someone online "just thinking of you"...what that really means is "I have run out of fresh drug and am falling back on an old one till a new one comes up"
You were right too in surmising that this OM was sitting at home online with others...more that then he is very picky...picky men don't wander online adult sights...desperate men do!
Keep trying to talk to your daughter...in small ways...express your regrets...tell her your sorry for doing such a thing...in time she will accept you are genuine...it took my daughter over 2 years to really forgive her dad...she is now enjoying a renewed relationship with him...it has been a long time coming...and she did listen to every word he said...and she watched his every move...he accepted it...
