I have been reading some of your other postings and wanted to share this with you...
I told you before that I spent time in game rooms and made some nice "friends" there...nothing sexual at the time was going and things in my marriage seemed good...but I did observe others becoming involved to the point of wanting to MEET THE OP...one woman about my age was prepared to fly to Vegas to meet the OM...all us knew it was the wrong thing to do...so we devised a plan to PROVE to her that he wasn't what he said...one other woman took to playing with him when she wasn't around...it didn't take long for him to start being suggestive to her...when she inquired about his "other friend" whom he was going to meet in Vegas his comment was something like "Yeah, she is a nice lady and I am sure I will have a good time."...This lady, like you was prepared to leave her family for this man who really had NO intention of really staying with her for all eternity...as he had told her...this other lady kept him online for a time, getting him to say things in IM that she could save in a file because we were not believed by this other "blinded in love" woman...when she read what we had been telling her about this "nice guy...her white knight in shining armor who was going to sweep her off of her feet and solve all her problems" she of course was hurt...
So the end of this experience???...well it took time, eventually she was able to make ammends with her H, and in time she was able to realize that she could have feelings for her H again...last I heard from her she was happy and things were going well for them as a couple...
The feelings you have for the OM are VERY REAL...the problem is that he probably isn't as REAL as you THINK he is...you feelings are based on the fanatasy you have built up about him...an abused woman can build up feelings about her Abuser Husband to make him out not to be a bad guy...even defending his actions...but it is EASY for all on the outside to see the TRUTH...
Sandi...just remember the truth...the truth is you are married...you husband and your family do love you...and in time you can regain that love...
I also read in a posting that your H doesn't feel he needs to make much change...that he has done all he should/could...and he may REALLY feel this way based upon your actions in the marriage over the past many years...what you have to remember is you can't MAKE someone change...BUT...with YOUR changes WILL come changes in H...it is like dominoes...once one starts to fall the others follow...and the momentum picks up...
I know this to be fact because even though I was the LBS...my H felt like yours...that I was the one that needed to change...that despite his leaving me and having an affair that he had put his all in to our marriage...he felt totally justified in his not loving me anymore...this was very hard for me because even though I didn't leave and for the most part "felt" happy...I realized after his leaving that I wasn't as happy as I thought and that my health was suffering from the stress as much as he stated his was...BUT...I also acknowledged that I did need to make changes regardless of what H did...and I was almost positive that he would continue in his self-rightious feelings he had...so I continued in my "own journey"...not judging his...not worrying about whether he would or wouldn't change for me...it became about me being HAPPY WITH MYSELF!...and guess what?!?!...in time ( a long time) H did see where he needed to make changes...it got easier for us to talk things over with each other...and I can honestly say now that H has come a long way...BUT I led that way...my changes created change in all those around me...
So Sandi...you say you feel weak and that you always thought of yourself as a strong person...YOU can be that strong person again...YOU can create change in yourself and find YOUR happiness...and along the way you just might find that your H can make changes (to keep up with the "new and improved" W of his"...and that in time (a long time) the two of you will have a new relationship...not based on resentment, anger, feelings of deprivation...but one where there is true love...YOU have the ability to LOVE and YOU CAN CULTIVATE THAT LOVE...you have the strength within you...just like the ant...you can move a mountain if you believe you can...and you work toward it!
So...Sandi...take care...vent here....post here...work through your journey here...you will find the support you need...
