there comes a time that we guard our heart for we no longer want to hurt. Sounds like you are there. Now you need to keep an open mind and listen to him and watch him and see what actions and words are coming from him.
Do you like what you hear? Is is positive ?
Do you want to reconcile? If yes then don't get too distant and cold for he will feel it.
Been there and done that I was told to back off leave him alone let him come to me etc... and it didn't work. He needed to know that I was there... he was still to screwed up to figure it out?
not sure but I think about the lost chance at times and hope for another some day.
He sounds like he is being neutral not angry, not mad, not blaming you for anything. Keep watching and listening and remember that the baby steps are sometimes very tiny but there.
The feeling of numb is how I describe it. I thought if he was acting like he wanted to reconnect I would be dancing in the streets... nope didn't happen. I was so negative towards him at times. My lack of trust appeared and I started to question things I never did before. So what you feel or don't feel happens.
you are the only one who knows what you want so you have to just go with your heart
hb2
m24 yrs h 50 me 47 s 21 s 17 left 5-30-06, and 12-4-06 still gone.............
were we taken for granted during the time they were with us and we just got use to it and became complacent?
If we don't want to be taken for granted, which was a problem I had in my M, then what do we do to change it?
well maybe this is where the 180's do fit in?
if we usually do a certain thing never expecting a thank you then well.... maybe we should stop or change how we do it.
For me that is hard for I don't see him and don't ever ask him to do anything at the house.
So maybe we need to look at us and do others take us for granted too?? Like our kids and immediate family. My kids do for the laundry fairy comes and does the laundry for them. But she has slacked off and leaves it for them to pick up and put back in their rooms. The dishwasher fairy has quit emptying the dishwasher !
I do have to say that the few months that H was eating here a few times a wk. he would say thank you for dinner... gosh that was new and was nice. Wondered if he was just so happy to have someone cook for him he really was appreciative.
If we do with out for a while then we appreciate the little things more ??
this one can keep us thinking all night hb2
m24 yrs h 50 me 47 s 21 s 17 left 5-30-06, and 12-4-06 still gone.............
That is why I suggested that book. In a really condensed nutshell, the main message of the book is that we attract what we put off. For example, if one puts off the taken for granted spouse that is what we will attract.
And bam, you must have felt like a million bucks when your friend said "look at you now." That is such a great compliment.
Hi Bam Its all so confusing..some say dont become too closed off and distant, others say keep going..You do seem really strong..maybe its just about finding the right balance that works for you.. I also find in my situation that when I get distant, H distances more..My DB Coach suggested to see what brings them closer and make mental notes..But sometimes in this tunnel nothing really works at least not on my timetable Good luck Peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
