Chicki - The problem for me with "setting him free" is that I have told him to go if that's what he feels will make him happy. I've also asked him why he hasn't gone if he feels that big of a connection to ow and that it's the "safer road to happines". He's immobilized by this fear of making the "wrong" decision I guess.. Fear of being another statistic.. Fear of messing up his kid for life..
My H was also immobilized as you put it. From the start of me finding out about the affiar he would say that he was not in it (affair) for the long run. When I sould say to him go live w/her since she make u so happy he would say thats not what he wants. I gues he only wanted the new sex partner ( he said we got old in that department). Really all our fighting mad it get old. It took 4 me getr really Bit*** to him everyday telling I wanted him out so he will leave ,he did little by little.
My h use to not want to be like his father (alcholic & also a big time adulterer).BUT the difference btw the two is that FIL did not leave not even over the weekend from their house when H was growing up. FIL left way after they were grown.
C - my H always has said he wanted to break the cycles as well.. Too bad he had to take after his Father with the whole adultery and breaking up the family thing... Just goes to show ya' we should be more careful and do in-depth background checks before we get married.
LO, I guess you are right about the background thing. On Memorial Day weekend. My H's aunt told me that H's dad, and both of his grandfathers were adulterers. I had no idea of this until she told me. That's why I don't understand why mother in law is being so cold to me. She went through it with her husband and watched her father do it to her mother. MIL is actually tight with H's OW. They got to know each other because my MIL would go to the office to clean and got to know the OW this way because she is his secretary. My MIL got furious one time because SIL's fiancee sent an email to her that was intended for another woman he had been talking to on the internet. They had never met, but they were planning on it. MIL went to the fiancee's office and let him have it. Her son committs adultery and, it is okay,even though it is has broken up our family. She never even sees my daughters now. Why does it tend to run in families? Is it genetic. I know that is a weird thing to say, but you see it happen so much in families.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
I don't think it's genetic but a learned behavior. It's a coping mechanism. Just like someone else might use drugs or alcohol in order to not deal with troubled relationships. It's another addictive behavior to some people. Sometimes, it's just a pattern that they don't know how to stop.
.. still no call from H.. Have NEVER gone 24 hours without speaking since we've been married. Gosh I hate that B!#ch ow and what she, along w/H, are doing to our perspective families.
Isn’t strange how we think of these things? When I went on my vacation with my son a few weeks back that was the FIRST time in 18 years I did not speak to my wife in 24 hours. She even called from the condo when she was with her "girl friends" (OM) Something I have noticed. It seems all of us here are more sentimental than our spouses. The littlest things mean so much to us. Maybe that was our down fall.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Hi Hubby - It actully used to bug me that H called so much. I'm the less sentimental of the two of us. I just remember stuff like that and NOW it bothers me since I know what it means; i.e. - he's with "guy friends" (ow)
well you are here with me kind of. I just ordered some more books :
Save My Marriage Today! by Amy Waterman and Andrew Rusbatch Discover what it takes to keep a marriage healthy. Topics covered include the life cycle of a marriage, banking in your relationship, conflict resolution, the workplace, children, sex and intimacy, infidelity, and couples counseling. Contains exercises for you to do alone or with your partner.
It came with 7 other books :
Save My Marriage Today! Book 2 - For Marriages in Extreme Crisis
6 Most Common Reasons for Divorce & How to Stop Them Happening to You!!"
Stress - The Silent Killer: A Comprehensive Guide to Wellness & Inner Peace" by Ryan Sawyer
"7 Ways to Live Life to the Max" by Dennis Curyer
"How to Be Happy" by Joseph Miller
"The Journey" by Patrick Ryan
and
"How To Catch A Cheating Spouse"(BTDT)
Soo I do have some reading to do
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
kind of. I just ordered some more books :