1. Decide how long you intend to GAL with no boundaries. I other words, how long will you continue this if he refuses to give up OW, grow up and recommit to the marriage?
2. You need to decide when to start going dark, being mysterious and less available to him. You need to decide how long you will do GAL + Going Dark if he refuses to give up OW, grow up and recommit to the marriage.
3. You need to decide when to start adding boundaries. Which ones? No sex? Separate Bedrooms? Hard-core LRT at home? Each of these boundaries is cumulative and added to the next. Each has a time-limit before ramping it up. You need to decide how long you will do GAL + Going Dark + Boundaries if he refuses to give up OW, grow up and recommit to the marriage.
This full-force implementation will give him a taste for what losing you FEELS like. You are having a great time, are mysterious and intriguing, have withdrawn yourself from him and have set strong personal boundaries if he refuses to stop seeing OW.
4. You need to offer an ultimatum. "End the affair and recommit to our marriage or I will divorce you on the grounds of adultery." Look at Michelle's writings on how to offer an ultimatum. I think he will get the message that the affair will become exposed then.
This is super-hard, but do you want to set dates on a plan like this in intricate detail? You can take up to two weeks to work out your plan and get some feedback from a counselor, from us, and from people you trust.
Theo - I like this approach. How long is appropriate for each phase? Two weeks minimum?? BTW - just last week, my IC said we need to start working on setting up healthy boundaries.. Yah.. No kidding..
