Had a great night last night with my girlfriends. Didn't get home until after 12:30 (late for me!).
Am feeling kind of down today. H is gone for the weekend (at least one night w/ow I suspect) and typically would call but, of course, I haven't heard a thing. That can only mean that my suspicions are correct that he is with his ho. Why does it still hurt so much even though I KNOW what is going on? Why does a weekend away hurt so much more than a lunchtime f*@k? This is the first "overnighter" that he's had with her...
I just don't understand how he could look me in the eye and tell me yesterday morning "ILY so much. I'll miss you this weekend" and then go off like he is... Not like I believe any of that ILY stuff any more. How can someone who says they live with the guilt every day not stop doing what is making them feel so guilty? Pleasure over pain I guess...
UGH.. Just venting and looking for answers where there are none.
HB - during our R talk the other night, H said something about how we are "great friends". He does fear losing that through D but can't live without passion/connection like he feels w/ow. He said stuff kind of like your H - bascially saying he would still do "anything" for me - meaning change the oil in my car or fix something on the house. Like you - I wouldn't want him doing any of that stuff. I'll pay for someone to do it or get a friend's H or relative to help. Again - does beign Mr. Fix It help ease the guilt?
