It sounds like at your house the roles are sort of reverse? I have not read all of your thread,but this I gather. Most wives (like the olld me) would do allthe house work while like my H would lay around all day infront ot the tube doing nothing. IF I were to do the same & not do the chores for a Saturday per say H would complain an be upset,but its ok for him not to lift a finger! So when I would whine & compalin he would do less & say I dont appreciate him so he is not motivated to do so.
One thing H was good at was planning our family vacation or outings like to the amusement parks. But I know the girls and I never really showeed him true appreciaton for it. So the last time(before he moved out)when we went to the amusement park I made sure the girls & I thanked him profusely and showed him how much we appreciated it and how much fun we had.
Maybe you should stop doing so many things for a while & let her see just how much she does need you or just how much you do.
