If My W does not respect me. Thinks I am a wimp, fool, stupid, ECT...
And she tell me not to contact the OM. and I don't
And I know discussing the OM is NOT DBing
BUT…………..How can I gain respect, not be a wimp, fool, stupid. ?
And don't give me that turn the other cheek stuff. If someone attacked your family would you not want to "talk" to that person? Or would you "turn the other cheek"
Just thinking out loud Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I have never talked directly to om I left him a message on his cell early on cause he didnt answer and about a month ago i emailed him telling him about the family he was coming between.
My wife said he was mad I contacted him and he said not to do it again. I said I dont give a f**k what he says. I will call him if I want to.
I havnt called him since and have the same delema as you just stated.
I mean I know they may not care. And I don't want to go kick his a$$ but as it is now this MARRIED man has gotten away Scott free. I really just want to say a few things to him for my own satisfaction.
Maybe text messages him in the middle of the night with “I know what you did last summer does your wife? I WOULD NOT contact his wife. I do not want to be the catalyst to destroy another's marriage (although he is the one that did it)
Theo if you are here I am going to take my son out for Chinese (Dinner that is) I will long on when I get back.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
You said you were going to call. Didn't get your call.
Quote:
If My W does not respect me. Thinks I am a wimp, fool, stupid, ECT...
And she tell me not to contact the OM. and I don't
And I know discussing the OM is NOT DBing
BUT…………..How can I gain respect, not be a wimp, fool, stupid. ?
Good question.
In my case the OM was my best friend. At the time it was an EA. So I spoke with him 3X about it and asked him to break off contact with my family for the sake of my marriage. He said he would, but he lied to my face. I found out later they had moved into a PA after I talked to him.
So talking to him will do nothing. Asking him or telling him to stop is pointless.
On the other hand, do you want to threaten him? Tell him to stop...or else. Or else what? Or else you will tell his wife? Or else you will come over and break his kneecaps? Don't threaten unless you are prepared to follow up on it.
Confronting the OM doesn't work unless you are prepared to directly threaten him and you must be ready to carry out the threat.
And...how will you know that he is ending the relationship with your wife? Will they just go farther underground?
And if he does end it because you threatened him, will that make your wife want to jumnp your bones? Probably not. She'll hate you for ruining the relationship with her "soul mate".
In general "confronting" the OM is viewed by our wives as weakness. It shows we are afraid of them and are threatened by their relationship. It doesn't make you look "manly" in her eyes.
You establish respect by being respectable. By living your call to adventure. By being passionate and clear about your mission in life. You set personal boundaries (whatever they are for you)and enforce them. I suggest the e-book by Cunningham at http://www.makingherhappy.com, it's all about being an "alpha male" and establishing respect/attraction.
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And don't give me that turn the other cheek stuff. If someone attacked your family would you not want to "talk" to that person? Or would you "turn the other cheek"
Turn the other cheek? Hmmmm. Turn the other cheek means not to return evil for evil. You are not having a revenge affair and you are not haming his family, or trying to seduce his wife. So, in a sense you are turning the other cheek.
Exposing the affair is a matter of truth-telling. His wife, ultimately has the right to know. RIght now, it may not be in your best interest to expose it.
Let's look at your options. You know your wife's and the OM's dirty little secret. This gives you tremendous power. You can tell his wife. Unfortunately, it's like a nuclear bomb -- if you use it, everyhing might get blown to bits. What if his wife leaves him? Then he might come after your wife. Or you succeed in breaking your wife and OM apart, but you also detroy your marriage and his marriage, too. Who knows?
If you choose to expose the affair: to OM's wife, to your wife's family, etc. you must be emotionally ready for the sh*tstorm to hit. It might work out in your favor, or it might not. You need to be in a place where you are TRULY detached and you don't care what happens anymore.
Didn't call because I didn't know if it was a good time. I will call Saturday morning here ok? About contacting the OM. NO I would not tell him to quit. Why? I would PREFER my wife to not want to see him. I know she has not seen him in 2 months. Does she call him? I don't know. I don't look. I just would like to speak my mind to him just to let him know what I think about his Honor and morals. That’s it. FOR MY OWN SATISFACTION. However at this time I do think it will take me back quite a few steps on the progress I have made. The other thing that kind of bothers me is that they say that an affair is exciting because it's a SECRET. Once it's exposed it is not as mysterious anymore. Well isn't my W affair still basically a secret? Only 3 people know about it and one is not a happy camper. Just thoughts going through my mind. Hey get this; I wanted to add a little more mystery to my GAL and going out on Fridays. Well (now ladies don't read this next part) I stopped at the store today and bought some "bikini briefs". Ta tell ya the truth they kind of look like women’s panties. Anyway I was going out to shoot some pool tonight but due to a parts problem at work that was holding up an $80.000 dollar shipment that must go out Monday I had to come in. that's where I am right now. Anyway so after my W got home I took a shower put on the men’s panties. Put on some of that good smell in water and told my wife our son had to sleep with her tonight because I didn't know what time I would be getting home. She said ok and I left. SOOOOO tomorrow I am not going to fold the laundry I am going to let her do that and find my mans panties. 180 from the white cotton briefs I used t wear. She does not know I went to work. Ok I need to get back now but I am checking the board
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Theo.. thanks for the comments. Its funny you would think that I would be looking for an EA but frankly I just couldn't do it. I am a very strong person and I couldn't do it to my family namely my kids. They are very young and I couldn't hurt them if it got out in the open. As I sit here writing this tears are coming down as I don't know where to turn. Yesterday we had a really big fight.. *long story* his parents are divorced and he has always been one sided sticking up for him father, when ultimately his father caused the problems, anyway I told him to stay out of it and he flew off the handle. Said I was a femnist (i certainly am not) and that im stupid.. all because I didn't agree with him... He wants peoples opinion but if they don't agree with him they are wrong.. messed up huh? anyway, Im beginning to think he just doesn't deserve me and the person that I am. I am loyal to him and my family, I would never hurt him intentionally, but with him there are no boundaries.
For example I got hurt yesterday coming down the stairs.. (im a cluts) and he came over and said are you alright, oh wheres the juice? in the same breath mind you. I don't think he really cares about me.. I think he lusts after me, but I don't think he really cares about my feelings at all. Im scared. I don't know if I can take it anymore.
Yes in the beginning he was very jealous, I was only 19 when we met. He grew out of that. But he is very opinionated and very mean somtimes. Im feeling trapped again, I can't talk to my parents because there are just too close and its not something I would talk to them about. I only have one good friend I can talk to.
even if I was to consider leaving I have no money or a job. Im a SAHM and I do things for the business from home.
Just venting here.. have a bad day already.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Husband, I just wanted to say that Theo's right about the OM. And you know you wouldn't want to see his family hurt, too: which is exactly what would happen. Let that destruction be entirely on his shoulders.
You had me laughing about the bikini briefs. If you can't beat up the OM, without ruining all the patient work you've done so far---at least you really have that feminine psychology down pat. You really know how to weird a woman out. Those panties of yours are likely to give W something to think about all day. And she probably won't say a word about them.
Next time, throw in a pair of very fancy women's panties. You'll REALLY get her thinking. You may end up driving her to the brink of insanity, using only panties.
TAL--I read your post above, and I'm so sorry for what you're going through.
