don't know if affair still going on

[RedHeadWife]

I know I sometimes feel like I have absolutely no life besides my H, my M and my boys. I have 3 boys, ages 7, 3 and 1. My H is actually deployed for a year right now, so I'm by myself. I'm not necessarily shy, but I'm not your typical "chicky-chick" and don't necessarily "bond" w/ other girls very well. I don't have a lot of friends either besides the other women at work, as H is military and it's hard to "network." Sometimes I feel like a totally different person while I'm at work. A lot more "confident."

Anyway, my H dropped the D bomb back in January. He was deadset for a D. I didn't realize he was so unhappy or that D was even an option for us. He's had numerous A's, mostly EA's, and another EA during the D sitch.

He actually went to a D lawyer on about March 23, and then things got *ok* in early April. He was only home for about a month after things started getting better before he had to leave. I just never gave up. I heard the "I love you as the mother of my children and as a person, but that's it," etc.

I finally got over the "mom complex" and became a sex goddess and realized how much I truly loved him and still found him so very attractive. Things had gone downhill for a long time after I started having the boys. I didn't know who I was anymore and was therefore very unhappy. I truly did become the "angry, tired & bitter" person he said he saw when he looked at me back then.

I'm still trying to work on myself. I still need to find myself & figure out who I am now and learn to love me for me. That's very hard. It's hard to GAL w/ 3 little boys.

I agree w/ your C that you need to let him go a little bit and allow him to see that you don't necessarily NEED him and that he could actually lose you if he doesn't figure it out pretty quick, but you also don't necessarily want him to think that you are done and don't want to work things out.

Hopefully you can meet some people when you go back to school. Also, what about moms of your son's friends?

Hope you are feeling ok today. I know it's very, very hard. I had a hard time not being angry about EVERYTHING when my sitch was going on. It's all you think about, but you have to try to stay positive.

Just make sure that, if and when you 2 do talk about your R/M, you don't beg, plead, act as if you can't live w/o him. You truly could. I understand now, w/ H gone, that I COULD live w/o him if I had to. I know I would feel differently if he was actually here in town & living elsewhere and headed for a D, but I know I would survive. I understand, though, how difficult it is.