yes it is similar. I felt my H had to step up to the plate. His LD is fine now, but when he says he made "no councious effort" to improve, it just happened I feel angry. Why? Because I think he has to get things right MY way. it's wrong. H got things right, he did it HIS way, the end result is the same.
I didn't get angry I went into a depression instead. it started last October and I'm to be 100% honest still working through it. I have good days and bad days .... on bad days I'm a terrible person and I beat myself up, on good days I can take on the world!!!
Will I get "there"? (for myself I mean) ... well, I'm starting to belive "there" is a moveable things... sometimes it's there, and that's great, other times it isn't and that's either lousy or it isn't.
The main difference these days is I have the tools to change. For example, last night was my works leaving do. I go horribly drunk, was hungry and shouted at H. I apologised in the morning, and I am forgiven. But I just phoned him now and said sorry again, thanked him for looking after me last night, told him he was wonderful and have offered to pick him up from work, drive him home, cook his favourite meal and do whatever he wants tonight (he's tired, prob stay in and watch a film). The differece? In the past I would have apologised and gone on and on feeling bad about myself, sat H down, had a big R talk, all doom and gloom. Now I will realise that NOT focussing on the bad is good. I've said sorry, H has accepted so now we have fun time together
Sorry - I've waffled on too much.... but SD this is part of the process to go through. It's good that you've stated what you want and have backed off, given H the room to do something. My advice to you in the coming weeks would be to look for the small signs, to appreciate the efforts H makes and to accept he may backslide a bit. Forgive him this.
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
