I too am really glad that you have started posting. You and I have been at this about the same amount of time--I received the bomb in May 2005, and STBXH moved out August 2005. My D is nearly final, so that is a difference, but we share the same amount of time in the process all the same.
This comment of yours really struck me:
Originally Posted By: TiredHeart
15 years deep, I was oblivious to the fact that I didn't have many friends at all. For the first 8 months, I stayed alone in my house every day & wished away the weekends. Then, I called my cousin that I used to be very close with. She was happy to hear from me & said "come on over". She always has a house full. I don't know what I'd do without her & the rest of her family.
I needed to read what you wrote here, and I suspect it also is the clue to what you can do right now to really successfully navigate this new phase you seem to be in with your H.
First, I really identify with having isolated yourself from all other relationships--I did that too. After 20 years of M, H was my only friend, and he wasn't really that at all, having pulled away from me and started his new crisis phase.
But what really struck me in your comment was the reminder that focusing on these other new ( or rekindled) relationships is exactly the cure I need to keep my focus off of H. And maybe that is what you need to remind yourself of too. There are these other people in your life who clearly want to have R with your RIGHT NOW, and if you can stay focused on them and on improving those Rs, the R with H will take care of itself as it should on it's own timetable.
As often is the case on these boards, I am writing to you what I needed to hear myself. Sorry to ramble, and welcome again. As you have already learned, these boards are fully of wonderful and wise folks going through the same struggles, sometimes with an incredible amount of grace.
